As I begin this post, my hope is that you wouldn't shake your head and ask when is she going to stop posting things like this. I can't help but use this as my online form for venting and getting through this journey. As I have said before, I will not get over it, but I hope to get through it and do better each day. I have spent this morning reflecting on the past holidays and all of the wonderful things that we were able to do with Bronson. He is such an amazing little guy. He has been adding lots of stress to Kyle and I lately with his lack of sleep, but we still continue to relic in all the joy he brings to our life.
I forgot to post earlier about a small outing that Ann, Bill, and I had on Christmas morning. This was a sobering event. I never thought that I would be joining them in leaving Christmas trees on Lindsay's grave, (one for Jackson and one for Lindsay) but we all made the journey up to Blodgett Cemetery to pay our respects to our little angels. I had a quick conversation with my friend Heather a few days before Christmas and I remember saying that she shouldn't worry about Jackson receiving gifts on Christmas, because he had the best gift of all. He got to be with Jesus celebrating His birthday!!! It was nice to take that small moment and reflect that God gets us through this hard times and does provide healing. I find myself constantly feeling a strong sense of peace when I picture Jackson up in heaven being taken care of by his Aunt Lindsay. I don't know what heaven is like, but it provides me comfort to think of him being with family and more importantly with his Heavenly father.
I was reading a blog today about another stillborn baby, Branson Call. His mommy had posted this poem in regards to their Christmas celebration and I felt the need to share it. This poem could apply to any of your angels, but I find it especially peaceful.
Spending Christmas with Jesus
I see the countless Christmas trees
Around the world below.
With tiny lights, like heaven’s stars
Reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular,
please wipe away that tear,
for I’m spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs
That people hold so dear.
But the sounds of music can’t compare
With the Christmas choir up here.
For I have no words to tell you
The joy their voices bring.
For it is beyond description
to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
For I’m spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.
I can’t tell you of the splendor
Or the peace here in this place
Can you just imagine Christmas,
With our Savior, face to face?
I’ll ask Him to light your spirit
As I tell Him of your love.
So then pray for one another
As you lift your eyes above.
So please let your hearts be joyful
And let your Spirit sing,
For I’m spending Christmas in heaven
And I’m walking with the King!
--Author Unknown--
