Sunday, June 29, 2008

Six Months Old

Hanging out with his friend Ayden
At the car show with his buddy Brandon and Auntie Christen

Way too cute of a face not to share

Gotta love the smiles of these two cousins

Six month bear shot

He fell asleep in the car on the way out to lunch
Daddy walking his boy in the park

Mommy and Bronson playing out front on a nice day

Playing with his toys out in the front yard

Happy Father's Day Honey, we love you...

Well, Bronson has officially hit the half year mark. The planner that I am is making me panic a little about planning his first birthday. You may think that I am kidding, but a lot has to go into this because of it's close proximity to Christmas and our five year anniversary. Kyle and I are in complete awe over the leaps and bounds that Bronson has made in the past six months. To think that when he was born he could literally fit in the palm of Kyle's hands and now he can actually make my arms a little tired if he insists on bouncing for too long. Well, here are the newest stats of our little miracle baby...
  • He is 13 lbs, 1.5 ounces
  • 23 inches long
  • Done with hernia surgery, one more corrective surgery
  • He can touch the floor when he sits in his jumperoo
  • He went to his first car show and LOVED IT!!!!
  • He says mama
  • He is in complete love with all of his Aunties, it doesn't matter which one but he loves to snuggle up with an Auntie. Ash made him laugh out loud first with her wild and crazy bee song
  • He loves his cousin Olivia and seems to want to take walking with her (you have to crawl first Bronson)
  • He now has to take baths in the whole tub because he is such a wiggle worm and won't stay in his baby bath
  • He sleeps 10 hours a night (except the past two nights while we were at Blodgett with Grandpa Huey)
Love to you all-Amber

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Too cute...

I just had to write a quick note to let you know that Bronson now laughs out loud. It is the cutest thing in the world. The newest thing is that right before he begins to laugh, his whole body will shake. Kyle and I are completely smitten with him. It is amazing to see how quickly he is growing up. Lots of people have said that between four and six months they will take leaps and bounds in their development...he is sure amazing us with his abilities.

The home health nurse came over yesterday and measured and weighed Bronson. I was really excited to get her evaluation because everyone keeps telling me that he looks like a normal six month old. Well, she assured me that he is still small according to his due date. (March 3rd). He is at 7% for weight and 5% for height. He isn't even on the charts for his birthdate. I can't believe my baby is going to be six whole months old. Stay tuned for his monthly updates...

Sunday, June 15, 2008

World's Best Daddy

Happy Father's Day Kyle...You are the most precious daddy to our son. I am so amazed each and everyday at how sensitive and caring you are to our baby boy. Bronson loves you so much and I never question the intensity of your love for him. I know that you may not enjoy the picture that I posted, but this was the picture that was taken just minutes before our son was born. You were so nervous for what was to come and yet you seemed so cool and calm for me. You have been there through thick and thin lately and during our journey at the NICU you drove hours a day for just the chance to hold our baby for 30 minutes. It is hard to believe that all of this happened less than six months ago. I couldn't have made it through any of this without your love. You are super amazing. I was just reading another of my friend's blog and noticed that she also felt tears in her eyes when watching her husband and son together. This phenomenon happens to me daily. I love the way that you love Bronson. It melts my heart to hear you call him sweetheart. It makes me so happy to watch the interactions that the two of you have. He is so lucky to have you in his life. Yet, we are so lucky to have him. Thanks for always being there and for your incredible ability to be the greatest husband and father. Also, here's a wonderful thanks to the father that raised you. We love you Huey...You are so special to us and men like Kyle are made from great fathers like you. Happy First Father's Day to you baby...

I have included a video of Bronson's of those special moments. You can hear the nervousness in Kyle's voice, but he instantly went into parent mode...

P.S. As for Bronson, we are now having to keep his recovery private. If you would like to know how he is doing, please email me or call. For the most part he is doing better. His antibiotics made he stomach feel terrible and now that he is off of them, he is doing better. Keep him in your prayers. As of now it looks like he has to have another surgery.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Angels on Earth

I believe that God has sent me angels to help me on Earth. They have came in many different forms, but most importantly they have came in the forms of some of my great friends. I wish that I had time to write about each and every friend that I have, but this post is mostly to share my appreciation for my friend, Christen.

Christen and I were best friends through out high school and for reasons that both of us don't understand we didn't talk to each other much during our college years. About three years ago, one of my other besties, Jill tried to get us to start hanging out again and we just picked up where we had left off. There hasn't been any bad feelings and I feel that God has given me back a friend that is truly such a treasure.

I have went through so much these past six months and several times when I would have had a meltdown Christen has came to the rescue and picked up the broken pieces. She has been there for me when I went crazy in the hospital from grief and has been there for me when I just needed someone to listen. She reminds me of the friends that Job had in the bible. At times she has just sat by me in silence so that I can grieve. I am so thankful for her.

Today was an awful day, as I am writing this fresh tears come to my eyes. I don't know why I am so emotional. Things are starting to hit me and I feel that somethings just happened to me. I am more stressed about Bronson now that I think I ever was while he was in the hospital. While he was there I knew that he was being taken care of by professionals and there was a security blanket. I know that I am a good mommy to him. I don't doubt that for one minute, I just hate seeing him in pain.

Well, anyways, today I really needed a friend. I talked to several friends today and each one said something encouraging. One friend, Summer is coming to see me tomorrow of which I am so thankful. At about 5pm I called Christen and explained to her that today was a horrible day and said, I know that you have already came over this week, but could you please come over and help me with Bronson. Without hesitation she said yes and drove over to hold my fussy baby. I needed the break. I had to get stuff done and it felt good to be able to relax knowing that he was being held by someone that loves him. Christen doesn't criticize my parenting style or make me feel less of a mom, she is there for me when I need her. I am also thankful that she loves Bronson so much. He loves her too. I just want to thank God for all of the angels that he has placed in my life. Christen, if you read this anytime soon...thanks again.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Can I be done yet?

I was so worried about him, they handed him to me right after he was done
Daddy was so worried about his baby
This pose reminded us of the NICU and all that he had overcome

My friend Amy once told me that her mom had a magnet on her fridge that said, "God doesn't give us more than we can take, but I wish he had less faith in me." I think that this saying is ringing true for me right now. I am exhausted...both physically and emotionally. I am getting tired of people telling me that I have been an inspiration them. I don't mean this to sound rude, but I am tired of being so strong. Life is not fair right now. God is so great and I am not writing this to imply that I don't have faith. I have major faith that God will provide. I guess that I am just realizing that my lesson in learning to fully rely on Him is not even close to over.

I write this in the midst of our most recent string of stress. Bronson had his surgery on Thursday. The Friday night of the week before my grandfather had a heart attack and landed in the hospital. Kyle really wanted to go up and visit him, but we both decided that we couldn't risk getting hospital germs before Bronson's big day. Bronson's hernia repair was super successful. They even discovered that he does in fact have all of his boy parts. (If you know what I talking about great, if not that's okay) Anyways, Kyle and I also chose to have Bronson's circumcision done at the same time of his surgery. If you don't agree with the practice of circumcision, please keep your opinions to yourself. I don't need anymore criticism right now. We were both very nervous about this process, although we knew several of our friends that have sons and had done the process when they were newborns and had good experiences. Well ours hasn't been so good.

Bronson had a terrible time at Doernbecker's and once he woke up and I went to change him I noticed that there was blood all over his blanket and me hands from where I was holding him. They weighed his diaper and discovered that he had lost over 55cc's of blood. Our doctor told us last night that he lost the equivalent of 12% of his total blood. Poor baby. The doctor's came into the room and applied pressure and it finally stopped after 25 minutes. Well, now it gets worse. He now has a severe infection on his penis and we spent last night at his pediatrician's office getting tests done and they put him on antibiotics. I talked to the doctor from OHSU (Doernbecker's) tonight and they want him back up there tomorrow morning. She said to be prepared to stay for the night. Our pediatrician said that the original test ruled out MRSA, but they are still not sure what type of infection he has. I am just so sick of hospitals.

I love Bronson so much and this has made me so upset. I find myself snapping at Kyle over little things and getting into a funk that I can't get out of. When he was in the NICU I stayed so strong, but I just feel that I don't have that strength for this again. When Bronson got out of surgery they accidentally gave him morphine and he was in a trance that was one of the scariest things I have ever witnessed. I just felt sick. Why can't things just go good for Bronson? He is such a strong fighting boy. My MIL (Ann) said tonight that he so strong that sometimes we might not know how much pain he truly is in. This is so true. Our boy is such a fighter an I need to be strong for him. I am just scared of something happening to him. He is our world.

I don't mean to complain or be too graphic...I have just had enough with trials and fires to go through. I will fight until the end for Bronson, I just need support. I have a great family and group of friends I guess I just needed to vent out loud. I HATE HOSPITALS AND WANT MY BABY TO HAVE AN EASY HAND DEALT TO HIM FOR ONCE. Is this too much to ask?