Bronson William Deets

Our son has arrived. The next couple of months are going to be extremely hard, but with a little patience and love he is going to be the strongest boy ever. Stats are: Born at 3:08 pm on December 28, 2007. Weighs 2 pounds, 4 ounces. Length 13.5 inches. Here are a few pictures of our beautiful son...

Letter to Family and Friends

The other night I finally finished a letter that I have been meaning to write. Kyle and I both wanted to attach a letter to our thank-you notes from the shower. It wasn't an easy letter to write, but with some help from a website that I have been using quite a bit I was able to write a decent letter to our family and friends. I am still dealing with a lot of mixed emotions and it seems that everyday brings a different feeling across my life. Yesterday I was mixed with a deep and profound joy that I will be having a little baby soon to come home. Then a minute later I became terrified at the thought that anyone would mess or touch my other baby. I don't know if any other moms have experienced this feeling while pregnant, but I panic when I think of others even touching my babies after they are born...Is this a normal mommy feeling? I think it might stem from my whole experience, but also that I have been carrying these little ones in my tummy for almost seven months and I can't imagine them not being a part of me or right with me. Anyways, instead of getting on a tangent about all of my mixed up emotions, please read this letter and tell me what you think...

December 3, 2007


Dear Family and Friends,

As the very exciting day of the birth of our twins approaches, we are filled with the joy of anticipation. We recognize the many blessings that have come our way, and thank God with grateful hearts. We are also thankful for each of you, our family and friends. Your kindness and prayers have been an invaluable source of comfort and support. I want to thank you also your participation in my twin baby shower. This memory will last a lifetime for me and I am so grateful for all the wonderful gifts and wishes that I received. I am currently working on a memory box for our baby boy that will include all of our twin items and a journal that I have been keeping since I have been pregnant.

On November 20th, one week after my shower I learned the terrible news that one of our twins no longer had a heartbeat. I learned at this same appointment that our other baby was growing much better and that the doctors expect him to go close to full-term with no complications. For the wonderful six months that we reveled in the excitement of twins, the spirits of both babies were welcomed lovingly into our hearts and yours. This special summer will always be remembered fondly.

Upon hearing the news that we were no longer bringing home two boys, our doctor suggested that we discuss names for the babies and memorial options. We have decided that once both babies are born we will have a private memorial service for Kyle and I. We have also named both of our babies. Our healthy baby boy will be named, Bronson William Deets. We will call him “Beau” for short. This name is based on tradition and strength, which we would both like to raise our little one. Our little baby angel is named Jackson Ray Deets, after both my Grandpa Jack Hanson and Kyle’s Grandpa Ray Kerfoot. Both men hold very special spots in our hearts and we wanted a special name for Bronson’s guardian angel. In order to alleviate some of the grief that may overshadow the thrill and immense joy of delivery, we feel the need to formally offer prayers of love in memory of our special angel. Spiritually, Jackson has already arrived at his very special place in God's arms in heaven.

Thank you very much for your love and prayers, as we celebrate together both the upcoming joy of our baby's birth and the loving memory of his brother.

Love,
Amber & Kyle

Praise in a STORM

Warning...this is not one of those happy go lucky blogs that you will read and feel like bouncing around your house. I have a lot of emotions built up inside right now and I guess I feel that blogging is the best way to describe what I am feeling. The song that keeps coming into my head over and over again is "Praise in this Storm" by Casting Crowns. I love the song, but I truly never felt that in my present lifetime I would feel that my life would have any glimpse of comparison to the song. I never thought that I would experience having to deal with the death of a child. I cannot even begin to describe my feelings right now. I feel like maybe I just need to cry, but when I cry I remind myself that I need to stay strong for my healthy baby boy.

The terrible news came yesterday, but I had a bad feeling since I woke up Monday morning. Don't ask me how, but I knew that something very sad had taken place on Sunday evening. I will never forget that God gave me a brief moment to grief my little baby without me even knowing it. Kyle and I had a great day on Sunday spending time together and enjoying each other's company. We went over to see our new home and then once we got home and had hung out for a little I felt very tired. Kyle thought I was crazy to suggest going to be at 8:15, yet didn't argue. We both got ready for bed and then Kyle suggested that he hold me while we watch some of our favorite HGTV shows. At about 9pm I remember mentioning to Kyle that I needed him to hold me tighter because I had the overwhelming feeling of sadness for a moment. I can't even describe the moment, but I knew something was terribly wrong with someone. (I didn't know that at that moment my little baby perhaps breathed his last breath) Call it a mother's intuition, but I knew that there was a reason to be very sad. I didn't shed a tear, but it was like God prepared me for what was to come. All night long my husband just held me and we fell asleep. Monday morning when I woke up Kyle was in a great mood and I remember that he thanked me for having a special night with him.

Looking back now I realize that after Sunday evening I never felt our little one move again. I had a fairly slow day on Monday and decided to go to bed early again because I had my doctor's appointment in Eugene on Tuesday. Kyle wasn't able to go because he had taken the entire week before off because he was sick with the flu. My mom went with me. I knew instantly that something was wrong.

The sonographer was very impressed with Baby A's growth (no names made public yet) she kept mentioning yet again that they are quite impressed with the size of our baby's feet among other things. (Daddy has to be proud) Anyways, she slid the monitor across where I knew Baby B to be and she immediately began measuring his femur bone. When I asked what his heartbeat was, because I noticed that she had missed that first step, she hesitated. She said the words that I never thought I would have to hear, but she said, "Amber, I am sorry but I can't detect a heartbeat for your baby today." I was glad to have my mom there, because she knows that I need to keep busy and after I cry I need to be left alone. She went into total nurse mode, but then I had to wait about an hour for the doctor to come talk to me because he was already counseling another patient in the room next to mine. (God needed more angels in Heaven) Anyways, to make the medical language short and sweet I will give the short version of what has to happen now. I will be still delivering twin boys, however I get to take one home and God has already welcomed our little one home with Him. Kyle and I haven't decided exactly what to do yet for our baby and also whether or not we will publicize his name yet, but we will be naming him and will be doing something to honor our son.

I appreciate prayers and support right now. This is going to be a difficult next three months. Lots of people know that I was pregnant with twins and it is only right that when they see me they ask how my boys are doing. I just have to be strong when I answer that I know they are both fine, but explain that one is now in Heaven. I will have the chance to see him on earth for a brief visit, but I don't want his death to overshadow the wonderful blessing that God is also going to give us a living breathing wonderful baby boy. I guess to end with the song that I said had been going over and over in my head. I guess that my choice to praise God in this storm stems from the blessings that he has given me. He loves Kyle and I enough to trust us with a precious life and for whatever amount of time we get to spend with that miracle we are truly blessed. I feel strong sadness when I think of the millions of women that struggle to conceive or go through this with single births and don't get the opportunity to bring home a baby. I just remain convinced that my other son will do fine and come home to be loved by his mommy and daddy on earth.

Thanks for letting me vent blogworld. I may write more later, but for now I needed to get my thoughts down before I let them blend into this pregnancy related forgetfulness.

Home Sweet Home

Well other news. We are buying a house. We close on the 15th of this month and won't get possession until the 18th. Our plan is to have hardwood floors installed that next month and be able to start moving in the weekend after Thanksgiving. We are super excited about this little adventure and feel so blessed to be able to buy this home. Everything has went so smoothly and it has really helped to have such good friends helping us through this journey. Our great friend Amy has made this experience so easy and really dealt with a lot from my dear husband. I think that we have probably looked at over 20 houses, but I know that we are making the best decision. This will be affordable for us and also allow for me to not stress too much about work once our little babies get here.

The Expected Miracle

I decided to coin the title from one of our Associate Pastor's most recent sermons. This last one really impacted me. One comment that really stuck with me is why are we so surprised when God performs miracles? Why do we keep asking God to show us a miracle or losing faith when it doesn't seem to be working out our way? If we look back we will be able to note many instances of miracles being made by God. I could really go into the whole sermon that he did, but I guess that mostly I needed to hear that I need to take a moment out of my day and thank Jesus for what He has done for me.

I haven't written in this blog for awhile, so I guess the first bit of news is that we are not pregnant with just one little blessing, but are expecting two little boys. Kyle and I are so very excited for these little guys to come. God is sooo great. When I heard the phrase the expected miracle it made me take a moment to think of where I was just a year ago. I remember laying in our bed one night crying my eyes out after finding out that yet another friend of mine was pregnant. I had been told just six months after getting married that I had a severe case of Endometriosis and that if we didn't try to get pregnant soon there might not ever be a chance for us to have kids. Well, instead of following my husband's example and being led by faith I began to believe that I would never have kids. I became very angry that my husband kept pushing the idea of having kids to the side. I thought that he was basically playing rush and roulette. Little did I know that this was just the beginning of a trial that I would go through to see that God really does answer prayer and that if you fully rely on God he will answer your prayers.

Every time that I would have one of my melt downs my husband would gently rub my back and tell me that regardless of how I was feeling that he knew deep down that God would provide us with children the way that He saw fit. He never got upset or told me that I was being unreasonable, he just kept saying...Now, is not the time Amber!!! God will let us know when it is His time. Well, it was probably about a year ago that I let this get to a huge ugly head. I was really depressed so many people were popping up pregnant. I had a little niece on the way and I was totally excited, but wondered if I would ever experience the same joy. My husband kept telling me, I am still praying and we will have kids.

Well, look at our miracle today. We weren't entirely trying to have children and then boom on the same day that our house sold we found out that God had given us a miracle. I was soooo overwhelmed to find out that I was pregnant. Four weeks later when we found out that we were pregnant with twins, Kyle said the most amazing thing to me. (He still wasn't entirely ready to start a family.) He leaned over in the car and said, "Well, I guess that our babies will really know that they were planned. God planned all of this. Not only did He want us to have a baby, but he has blessed us with two little babies, just like you always wanted. Isn't God amazing?" Kyle was overjoyed at the prospect of having two babies.

Finding out that we are having boys has made this journey even more amazing. I always assumed that I would only have girls, so I was really shocked to find out that we are having two little boys. I am already referring to them as the boys!!! I can't wait for them to come. I just have to once again say that God is sooo good to us!!!

Growing Like a WEED!!!

I found out that you are a whole inch long today!!! I can't believe it; I can actually comprehend the size of your magnitude. You must have doubled in size over the weekend, because you are sure putting me through the ringer. Last night I almost cried watching a TV show with Kyle about guys surviving the wilderness. This wasn't at all supposed to be sad, but it put me in the mood. I have noticed that I am leveling out in terms of being grumpy. I am so touchy-feely with Kyle. I don't know why, but I constantly want to cuddle up and be held. I am not normally this kind of person.

Well this morning my little plan fell through. I now know that you have a mind of your own. I had truly thought I had gotten past the puking stage, but boy was I wrong. I kept the philosophy that this can all be controlled in your mind. My body finally took control of that idea this morning. Poor Kyle...he was leaving for work when he heard it start in. I had discovered last week that toothbrushing is getting pretty difficult to do without gagging. (Don't worry, I am still brushing my teeth at least twice a day) But anyways this morning there was no holding back I instantly began getting sick and Kyle walked into the bathroom to comfort me just as the worse came. Poor guy, he sat there and rubbed my back while soothing the uncomfortable feeling I was in. He is going to be such a good daddy!!! I know that he is a wonderful husband already, but this just proves his patience. He didn't even once seem revolted at the fact I was standing in my towel getting sick in the bathroom. Gotta love this guy!!!!

Quick recap of this past weekend...I am trying to journal as much as I can so that I can keep track of this period in my life. Kyle and I went out on a date Friday night and went and saw, "I now pronounce you, Chuck and Larry." I wasn't thrilled about seeing this film, but I even have to admit that it was pretty funny. On Saturday we both spent the day hanging out with some friends. I went to Joe Sult's 30th birthday party with Christen and then we checked out the Josh Gracin concert. I wasn't that impressed, but it might have been the fact that two enormously rude women wouldn't sit down in front and kept the entire two back rows from being able to see in front of them. Oh, yeah I went to the fair that day with my mom, Chuck, Austin, Olivia, and grandma and grandpa. We had lots of fun and food. Olivia loved watching the amusement rides and thought that the colors moving around were a private little show just for her. I love her smile so much and enjoyed watching her get so happy over watching all the shapes and colors.

Sunday was an o.k. day. Kyle and I went to the Dallas Summerfest Car Show for a little while and then went and saw another movie. This one sucked...License to Wed. Don't go see it. Kyle slept through the entire thing. The Car Show was fun except that I got way too sunburnt. Overall, our weekend was pretty good. Kyle and I even managed to go to the parade this year, which is a first. I guess that we are getting our practice in for later. Here's to a great week of news!!!!

Not feeling well, but still happy as can "bee"

This week has been a huge pain in the butt. I have had no ambition at work and I can't seem to stay focused. It doesn't help that 24/7 I feel the urge to run to the bathroom and get sick. I am keeping the philosophy that mind over matter does work. So far, so good!!! I really shouldn't be complaining. I am super happy!!!! I love this time in my life, I just don't want to be sick the whole time. This past weekend was lots of fun. Kyle's Uncle Rick and Michelle came down and stayed at Ann and Bill's. Other than Saturday when I nearly passed out from a horrible headache, we had a blast!!! It was nice being able to relax and enjoy some time with our family. Kyle and I have made a pact to spend as many weekends as we can in Blodgett. I just feel totally relaxed going there for the weekend. Ann is such a caretaker and makes dinner for us and I can just relax without worrying about anything else. It is nice to be able to take my mind off of everything that is going on at the house. Including lots of work to do. Well, this is kind of a pointless blog, but I have been trying to post at least once a week during this process.

Kyle bought me a different car last night. I am really excited about it. I will post some pictures of it as soon as we get a new bumper. It is a 2000 Honda Civic. Much like the car that I bought brand new in college. Only this one is an automatic and has air conditioning. The two features that I said were a must. Did I mention that it only has 56,000 miles on it? Amazing deal we got. Total God Thing. We were actually buying a different car when the guy called on this car and Kyle just got an urge to say no to the deal and go look at this car. We are really happy with our decision. It made a great adventure, including us stopping at Chili's at close to 10 for dinner. It was nice to be able to spend time with my honey without the interruption of cell phones and other people. Well, I am really hoping that this week gets better. Wish me luck!!!

4th of July

Our 4th of July went pretty well. Other than me being entirely too grumpy in the morning, I think we had a good day. Independence put on a great fireworks show and we spent time with some of our great friends. Kyle, Jim, and I drove over to Christen's to park and then walked down to the park with her and her parents. The show lasted about 45 minutes and I got to eat a little bit of fair food without going over the top. Does Corn on the Cob sound good? It did last night. Kyle and I are still reeling in the shock of all of our new life changes. God is so great and also has a wonderful sense of humor. We are so incredibly happy!!! This is the first time in our life that everything isn't planned out five years in advance and it feels so good.

Well, other than the fireworks show, we spent time with the Basso, Williams, and Graber family celebrating Mr. Riece's birthday. He is turning 13 on Saturday. It was a lot of fun and we had some great food. Brandon and Conner are growing up so fast and I love watching them play together. It is so amazing watching Brandon learn how to interact so politely with adults. He ha such a vocabulary and just melts both Kyle and my heart when he gives us spontaneous hugs. It seems like only yesterday that the little guy was born, but it has now been just over three years. Wow, time sure flies. Then Conner, he is such a sweetie. He was having so much fun yesterday and his personality is so different from Brandon's. He has no fear and is willing to try so many things. It was a lot of fun hanging out with our "second" family.

Kyle and I are looking forward to a great weekend. It will be our first car show of 2007. We are going to enter our Corvette in the Philomath Rod Run. We look forward to this every year and this year is no exception. We decided not to enter the Mustang, because of lack of time, but maybe next year. Well, I will post more pics of all of these fun events after I get my new computer. At that time I will also post pics of Kyle's latest "Man's Day Purchase." Love to all-Amber

To my little "d"

I learned about you on Friday (6/29) and ever since I can't stop thinking about you. Are you getting enough to drink? Are you feeling okay? Are you going to stick around? You are amazing. You are what we've always hoped, dreamed, and waited for. I can't believe you are here. You are an answer to an always prayed prayer. I am already completely in love with the idea of you. I never thought that I would worry this much, but I guess it comes with the territory. I can't wait to meet you.

New Beginnings

Life is full of big changes for us. Kyle and I both have been hired to new jobs. I am working at Western Community Policing Institute located on Western Oregon University's campus and Kyle is working as a Regional Director for Renew Consulting in Salem. Our life is changing full circle. In the same week that Kyle got his new job we also sold our house. We haven't been talking much about this because things went really crazy for awhile. The people that bought our house ordered a home inspection. (We didn't think anything major would be wrong.) Boy, were we surprised. They found mold in our attic. After spending almost $5000 dollars to fix it this past week our house is finally a week away from closing. This has been SOOOOOO stressful for me.

Until yesterday we didn't even have a clue of where we were going to live. Then two days ago I responded to an add on Craig's List and just like that we have a new home. We are going to be renting for about the next nine months until we either find our dream house or build one. We are just going to take a breather for the next three months until Kyle is completely done with his three month probation at his new job. There is a picture at the top of the page. We are not living in the house, but in the apartment above the three car garage. It is really nice and CHEAP!!! 850 square feet of living space will take some getting used to, but we can do it. We are going to save a lot of money and Kyle and I can't wait until we are able to buy our dream home. This is big for us.

Thanks to all of you for your prayers. Life is good. God is great. Kyle is finally able to go to church with me and we are looking forward to having weekends off together. I know our space will be tight, but we would love to make plans with people for the summer.

Lots of posts today...

The reason that you may be seeing several posts today is because I took everything off of my myspace. This space seems a little more personal and less people view it. I have nothing to hide, but I also don't want anyone and everybody that visits my site to make judgements of me based on what I write. Thanks for reading.

Songs that mean something

My sister Alexis commented on this song the other day and said how much she loved it. I hadn't really read the words, but after she commented I decided to check them out. Things are crazy for me right now and in the midst of this craziness I have learned that my only true saving grace is my relationship with JESUS. In saying that, I know that I am guilty of forgetting to spend time alone with Him everyday. I am currently reading a book by Karen Kingsbury and although the topic is nothing that I can relate to; I can relate to feeling that I need to reinvest my focus on God. Many of you know about my family and things that I struggle with everyday. Others of you don't, but can still understand when I say that I am struggling. I have so much to be thankful for, but there are still things that leave me sad and confused. Please keep me in your prayers in regards to my relationship with my dad. I love him even though I may not be able to see him or talk to him that often. Some people confuse my lack of talking about him as a sign that I don't care. Please don't be confused, this is the way that I cope with the pain and confusion. My husband remains a rock to me through these trying times, but it is still hard for him to understand the pain that anyone experiences with broken families. Praise God that he never had to experience this pain and confusion as a young child. I know that many of you can relate to growing up in a broken home. It is not easy, but I couldn't have asked for a better person to have as a mom. I know that my mom doesn't read this myspace stuff, but I wouldn't have the confidence that I do without your love and support. God gave me my mom to show me on earth that people truly do care. But most importantly that He loves me. I don't know why I feel the need to share something so deep today, but it just struck me that some might be able to benefit from this blog. Love to all-Amber

I NEED YOU TO LOVE ME

By

BARLOWGIRL

Why, why are You still with me?

Didn't You see what I've done?

In my shame I want to run and hide myself

But it's here I see the truth

I don't deserve You

(Chorus:)

But I need You to love me, and I

I won't keep my heart from You this time

Soon I'll stop this pretending that I can

Somehow deserve what I already have

I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time

Pushing You away from me

I just never saw how much You could cherish me

Cuz You're a God who has all things

And still You want me

Your love makes me forget what I have been

Your love makes me see who I really am

Christmas Surprises

So far this Christmas season has been great!!! We just got done with one of the best Christmas Eve's we have had in years. Kyle and I hosted dinner at our house for my entire side of the family. We had 11 people total at my house with one little extra Christmas Angel. Olivia Brooke was born on the 23rd at 1:50 and lucky Auntie Amber got to have her over today all day. I can't even describe how much I love her already. I guess you already know I loved her before she was born, but she is just sooooooo perfect.

Kyle and I were driving home (his parents) this evening for Christmas and commenting on how great everyone was today. We both had a blast. We did a Mexican Fiesta theme and the food and fellowship was awesome. It was also fun getting to know Jacob and the new Joe a bit better. Both guys kind of grew out of their shell and got their first inauguration into this primarily all girl family. I guess Chuck and Kyle are getting a little more testotorone in the family. Pardon the spelling!!! It was great getting to spend some time with all my sissies and enjoying all of my family. I am just sooo happy.

Gifts were also great. Everyone loved what we got for them and I had to give Kyle his big gift a bit early. He came home just as I was unloading it from the car. So what for trying to hide it for the past month. I got him a hugh Craftsmas tool box. He loves it, but I wanted to have it set up before he saw it. My mom and Chuck also did great. I got a Versace handbag and some awesome boots from them. I LOVE THEM!!!! Kyle's favorite gift is an old fashioned tin sign that my baby sister Aussie got for him. I am sure that he will be hanging it up the next chance he gets.

Well, I better head off to bed. I am soooo tired. Lots of excitement and not much rest yet. I am looking forward to tomorrow spending some time with the wonderful foursome of Deets. Love to you all and have a great and happy holidays!!!

Love Amber

Olivia Brooke

The following is very mushy and girlie, but very lovely about my neice...

Okay, for all of you that have been viewing my pics lately you have seen the gorgeous pics of my neice, Olivia Brooke. She is the sweetest baby in the entire world. I have lots of little ones in my life, but I can't even describe the void that Miss Livie has filled in my life. My heart actually aches when I don't get to see her for a whole week. This must have to do with the fact that you get to see a little human being that is part of your own family.

I think all of girls, Ashley, Austin and Alexis can attest that Olivia Brooke has changed our lives more than we could have ever imagined. I don't think Lexi has had a day go by that at least one of her sisters or mom are over visiting. None of us can stay away. Mom is so cute with all the things that she does for her grand-daughter. Did I mention that Mom wants to be called Nana? It is sooooo cute how Mom dresses her up and is so anxious to share about our newest little bundle of joy in the family. I can just say that Olivia does not lack for love in any way. Sometimes we might all even be smothering her a bit.

Alexis is a great mommy and has picked up on the job faster than I could even imagine. Olivia is sooo crazy about her mommy and the same goes for Lexi. The way that those two look at each other is one of the most beautiful moments in the world.

All of us love Olivia, but I never thought that I would hear Ashley say how much she just can't stay away. She is soooo crazy about her that I don't even get much cuddle time when she is around. It is great how all of us have just gathered this baby up with lots of love and attention.

One thing I constantly keep in mind is that Olivia and her Auntie Austin have almost the exact same age difference between them as I do with Austin. It is remarkable to think that 13 years ago my littlest baby sister was this small and tiny. Did I also mention that Livie looks a whole lot like her Auntie Austin? (it must be the hair) Austin is very good with her and I am glad that she is getting so much practice, because by the time I have my kids she will be a well trained baby sitter.

This whole experience has just been so great. I am still as devoted to my other little ones, but I never knew how much different it is to see your own flesh and blood sister experience something so wonderful. I just have to say I LOVE MY SISTERS SOOOO MUCH.

Read my next blog to hear more about my beautiful sisters!!!!

My little inspiration...

So, I am sitting here at work and trying to figure out what to do. Last week, my schedule was crazy with things to do, but now I am searching for things to do. I just finished reading one of my friends blogs and I totally love it. I decided that I should write a quick note about my upcoming weekend. Mom and I are taking little miss Olivia to Washington with us. I can't wait!!! She is so much fun and getting cuter by the moment. Here are some pictures

What a week!!!

Things have been quite hectic this week. My neice, Olivia, just got released from the hospital on Tuesday evening and in the same evening I ended up taking Kyle into the ER. They both have pneumonia (the bacterial kind). Yes, it is contagious. I know many have seemed amazed that you can pass this around, but yes it is a germ fest out there. Today was our first real day out of the house and we had sooooo much fun. Kyle and I decided to take off for the coast, although it was a perfectly beautiful day here in Dallas.

As we approached Lincoln City we realized that the weather was terrible, but we decided to have fun admist it. I talked Kyle into stopping at the Outlet Stores and we had quite the time. It was wonderful. Kyle even with a straight face asked the sale's lady if they sold motorcyle leather pants and then acted like he was interested. He was really hoping that I would take a picture of him in them to show to his friends. They have an ongoing joke about these kind of pants. Our second stop was the Coach store where I purchased one of my late Christmas presents. I had still been holding onto my Christmas money from Ann and Bill and decided that I wanted a new black bag. It is pretty plain, but I love it.

I am so thankful that Kyle and Olivia are feeling better. I have never had such a scary week. I love both of them so much and can't imagine anything ever happening to them. Well, I better sign off. Kyle and I are going to watch another movie tonight. We have been having a huge movie thon this week.