The other night I finally finished a letter that I have been meaning to write. Kyle and I both wanted to attach a letter to our thank-you notes from the shower. It wasn't an easy letter to write, but with some help from a website that I have been using quite a bit I was able to write a decent letter to our family and friends. I am still dealing with a lot of mixed emotions and it seems that everyday brings a different feeling across my life. Yesterday I was mixed with a deep and profound joy that I will be having a little baby soon to come home. Then a minute later I became terrified at the thought that anyone would mess or touch my other baby. I don't know if any other moms have experienced this feeling while pregnant, but I panic when I think of others even touching my babies after they are born...Is this a normal mommy feeling? I think it might stem from my whole experience, but also that I have been carrying these little ones in my tummy for almost seven months and I can't imagine them not being a part of me or right with me. Anyways, instead of getting on a tangent about all of my mixed up emotions, please read this letter and tell me what you think...
December 3, 2007
Dear Family and Friends,
As the very exciting day of the birth of our twins approaches, we are filled with the joy of anticipation. We recognize the many blessings that have come our way, and thank God with grateful hearts. We are also thankful for each of you, our family and friends. Your kindness and prayers have been an invaluable source of comfort and support. I want to thank you also your participation in my twin baby shower. This memory will last a lifetime for me and I am so grateful for all the wonderful gifts and wishes that I received. I am currently working on a memory box for our baby boy that will include all of our twin items and a journal that I have been keeping since I have been pregnant.
On November 20th, one week after my shower I learned the terrible news that one of our twins no longer had a heartbeat. I learned at this same appointment that our other baby was growing much better and that the doctors expect him to go close to full-term with no complications. For the wonderful six months that we reveled in the excitement of twins, the spirits of both babies were welcomed lovingly into our hearts and yours. This special summer will always be remembered fondly.
Upon hearing the news that we were no longer bringing home two boys, our doctor suggested that we discuss names for the babies and memorial options. We have decided that once both babies are born we will have a private memorial service for Kyle and I. We have also named both of our babies. Our healthy baby boy will be named, Bronson William Deets. We will call him “Beau” for short. This name is based on tradition and strength, which we would both like to raise our little one. Our little baby angel is named Jackson Ray Deets, after both my Grandpa Jack Hanson and Kyle’s Grandpa Ray Kerfoot. Both men hold very special spots in our hearts and we wanted a special name for Bronson’s guardian angel. In order to alleviate some of the grief that may overshadow the thrill and immense joy of delivery, we feel the need to formally offer prayers of love in memory of our special angel. Spiritually, Jackson has already arrived at his very special place in God's arms in heaven.
Thank you very much for your love and prayers, as we celebrate together both the upcoming joy of our baby's birth and the loving memory of his brother.
Love,
Amber & Kyle
