Friday, June 10, 2011


Very similar picture was sent to me via text by sister Ashley after she found out I was having twin boys, replaced by picture of Bronson right after he was born.

From the moment that I found I was expecting identical twin boys until the day they were born I bore the above picture on my cellphone. It was my reminder that I was a mommy of twins. While I was pregnant I remained a mommy of twins. Once Bronson and Jackson were born I became the mommy of Bronson. Several people close to me still would make comments about Jackson, however it also became a taboo subject to many. I will never forget when my mom openly admitted that she had to leave Target shortly after my boys were born because she lost it in the isle after seeing a mommy and obviously the grandmother carry around two little baby boys. I was so thankful that my mom shared this story with me because it allowed me to share an ounce of what I was feeling. I longed to be the mommy holding two baby boys.

I read a blog today that captured something I feel. "I believe you have two options when you lose someone.  You can give up living and merely survive, or you can grow strong in the memory of the child you loved, and live a life to make them proud.  I chose to live." It doesn't mean that I still don't get that heavy feeling in my heart when I see a mommy with two identical twin boys. For some reason my heart strings aren't pulled entirely the same way when it is girls or one of each. I am also at a point in my loss process that I get excited and can share in the celebration with a friend when they announce their recent pregnancy with twins. I get even more excited when I learn they are fraternal (meaning less chance of early delivery).

This thought has been coming to the surface more often lately because our dear "only child" has been saying on a daily basis that  he "needs a baby brother." The expression almost seems rehearsed and I wonder if he has heard a relative or well meaning family friend say it a time or two. I struggle with a sense of loss when he brings this up. I wonder if we will be doing him a disservice if we decide to be done with one. Will his loss be felt even more if we don't have any other children? I read another blog from a mom of twin girls who felt the need to immediately get pregnant to have a sibling for her surviving twin. I have never felt ready to have another child and lately more and more the idea of having only one child seems complete. Kyle and I love being parents, but among it's blessing also comes many trials.

I believe strongly that following God's direction will answer this question for us when it is the right time. For now I will continue to focus on being the best mommy that I can be to Bronson.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Very Controversial: Two Separate Issues

I have written down several versions of this post and erased it. I feel that every parent has the right to choose their child's health path; including the right to vaccinate or not to vaccinate. Out of the last 6 months that I volunteered in the 3 year old class at church, my son only attended 6 times. My son is immunized so I do not worry about the stuff that he has been protected from, but I worry about others thinking that diseases such as measles do not exist. When I read this post from one of my favorite blogs today it made me realize how scary these things can be.  I too worried constantly while my sister was pregnant that I would be exposed to something extremely harmful from my involvement with little kids. Two things that I want to state:
  1. Make sure you are educated about the true risks and benefits of immunizations.
  2. Know the difference between contagious and non-contagious childhood illness.
    1. Recent myth that was laid to rest: Croup is contagious! Do not bring your child to church or childcare with a fever.
Kyle and I did not have the right to decide whether or not Bronson would be immunized. He was not even 5 lbs when he received his 6 weeks shots. I am now very thankful that I didn't have to agonize about the decision, but very thankful that my son never contracted RSV or other very serious illnesses due to his vaccinations. He was one of the few children that received Synagis because of being a preemie. This shot reduces the risks greatly of your child contracted sometimes fatal RSV.

I will now get off my germaphobe soap box. I am so thankful that it seems that Bronson's ENT surgery has really helped him with chronic sickness, but I don't think a day will ever change when I don't worry about all the creepy germs that are floating around.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Credits to Kyle

I know that it is normal for parents to think that their children are the smartest children ever created. I happen to be one of those parents that at times thinks that my son is a genius. I realize lately that at three years old my son already knows things that I don't know anything about. I can't take credit for these developmental milestones, because it is because the way that his daddy teaches him things every night that he already knows the brands of several vacuums and can decipher what type of vacuum system. If I choose to use the wrong word to describe one of his treasured vacuums he will make sure that I know that it is a canister, not a bagless vacuum. Last night as I put him to bed he started telling me that his dream is to own a Kirby. He said that he already has a Bissell, Dyson, and Dirt Devil, but would really like to have  a Kirby. His talents are all compliments of daddy letting him watch YouTube videos about vacuums over and over again!