Policy Changes and Heart Changes Needed

Map of School Shooting in the US

Last night I found a blogger journal that never made it into the digital system. The title made me stop in my tracks...Parenting in a Scary World. As I scanned the journal writing I realized that I had written it on my way home from a work conference after hearing about yet another school shooting in Oregon. Just this past Wednesday our nation's hearts' were broken over hearing the news of the largest school shooting happening in Florida since 2012. When will this end? What are we doing to make a difference? My friend posted an amazing article this morning that I would have posted if the language would have been different. Basically it called BS on all the people that said you have to either be pro NRA or anti-gun. I am a fence sitter. I do not agree with the NRA, but I also don't believe it taking away all legally purchased guns. Do I think we have a mental health crisis in the USA? Yes! Do I think we have a gun problem in the USA? Yes! Do I think we have a parenting problem in the USA? Yes! (You can leave now if you don't want me placing blame on parents of school shooters; that is not my intention, but yes, I believe we play a role in our children's actions.)

This is my journal from nearly 3 years ago:

Nearly two weeks ago Oregon was once again a topic of national news because of a mass school shooting. The last tragedy of this magnitude in Oregon was during my senior year. I remember sitting in my business class and having Mr. Kinman turn on the TV while all of us just stared at the situation. Yes, we were scared, but the thought never crossed my mind that it would happen again and again. I also don't ever remember my parents questioning whether or not to send us to school the next day.

A couple of years ago I had a friend reach out to me for my opinion about whether or not to send her daughter to school the next day after a social media threat. My respond was the same as it remains today:

"These children are not ours to keep. We are called to love them, pray for them, and protect them. I don't feel living in fear of what might happen to them is serving God's purpose. Live by faith, not by fear."

I posted something very similar today in response to a threat made to a local HS. Teach your children how to respond in the event of an emergency...give them the tools and then let go, let God. We can't change or prevent the time when our lives end. It may sound harsh, but the fact remains that our days are already accounted for. I think we all wish we had the ability to change this, but we don't. I will choose to live each day with purpose, love, and hope. I will also continue to pray for my child. I will pray that God gives me the tools to parent well, to teach my child to be kind, compassionate, and to stick up for the little guy, reach out to the lonely, and most importantly love Jesus. My main purpose in life is to make sure that my son knows Jesus as his personal savior.

I know media often blows things out of context, but if even a fraction of the story about UCC is true in regards to students standing up for their faith, I feel strongly that these parents did exactly what they set out to do; teach your child that only Jesus is the way to eternal life. As a parent our nature is to protect our child from death, but in reality we only have the ability to point them in the direction of eternal life.

I think if given the chance many parents (mine included) would give anything to save their child from an "early death," but at the end of the day we are unable to add numbers to any of our lives. (Journal entry ends here as the plane landed)

Have my thoughts or hopes changed? Slightly! Do I still believe in my parenting purpose? Yes! In the last 3 years LOTS of shooting events have made the national headlines. It seems that for every story we hear about, there are 3-4 that went without national coverage. Yes, I am scared. I want change. I want my kids to go to school in the morning without worrying about their safety, but that is not reality. I see things on social media that prayer doesn't work. Prayer takes action! We need to be utilizing the skills that we have been given! If we are going to be adamant about keeping our guns than we need to be responsible about keeping them out of the hands of our children. We need stricter gun laws. We need to keep reporting suspicious behavior even if we hear it doesn't make a difference. We need to find alternative things to do with our mentally ill kids than feed their obsession with guns. We need to be the snoopy parent that knows what kind of crap lives in our kids room. My kid doesn't stand a chance of hiding stuff in our house...I randomly do room inspections. I also do heart inspections. Every night we sit down as a family and have dinner. We don't expect our kid to be happy all the time, but we expect him to share his heart. Sometimes are dinner conversations are hard and serious, most of the time they are light and funny, but they happen. Parent with purpose!

Ashley

I realized while fixing up my blog today that it kind of just ends when Ashley passed away. For some of my loyal followers they may want to know what happened. Some day in honor of Ashley and all that she wished I really hope to write a small story about finding beauty in the final days, but for now I will just share this. I wrote this two days before Ashley left this Earth. We planned her funeral together and just like she planned, it was BEAUTIFUL and perfect and provided Glory to God.

 Aug. 5, 1983 - April 16, 2015

Ashley Zilphia Sult courageously went into the arms of her savior on April 16, 2015 after a four year battle with leiomyosarcoma (LMS). Wife of SSG. Joe Sult and mother of Oaklen McCrae Sult, Ashley loved these men more than anything in the world. Born to George Evans and Shellene Foster, Ashley grew up being the second sister of four girls. 

She spent her high school days as a cheerleader for Philomath High School and it was there  in the fifth grade when she met her lifetime best friend, Tiffany Davis. After finishing high school Ashley did a brief nanny position in New York before starting school to become a licensed hairstylist. Ashley had many clients throughout the years that would travel state wide to have the chance to have her work her magic. Her most recent position was held at Cougar Cuts, in Prineville, OR.  

Ashley had an adventurous heart and followed the love of her life to Georgia, where she met many great friends. Joe and Ashley became parents to Oaklen on April 25, 2011, on the first most beautiful day of their lives. On July 6, 2011, Ashley and Joe made a few phone calls to family and friends and had a beautiful wedding ceremony in the backyard of a family friend. 

Since the day Ashley discovered she was fighting this rare form of cancer she has been proactive in finding a cure for LMS and being an expert in her own journey. Ashley was known on many occasions to reach out to fellow fighters to give them encouragement in the form of prayer and time.

Ashley's biggest mission since 2012, has been spreading the love of Jesus. An active member of Redmond Assembly of God, Ashley loved her church family and was happiest when sharing her love of Jesus with family and friends.  

Ashley is survived by her husband, And son, parents, sisters, Amber (Kyle) Deets, Alexis (Jacob) Page, Austin (James) Routon, in-laws, and nieces and nephews who lovingly called her "She-She" along with a huge family of loving and supportive friends.

Looking for Lovely

In the past several years I have had the opportunity to be part of many women's groups and/or bible studies. I have made many great friends in these groups and shared a multitude of life experiences with others. After my sister passed I continued to lead a single mother's group for a few months, but after much prayer stepped away from that position. Since then I have struggled to find my way back into a group whether it be a small group or bible study that fits my current life situation. When a precious member of my tribe shared that she also was looking to dig deeper we decided to search for a quick (7 week study) that we could complete over the next couple of months. After much research I found, Looking for Lovely by Annie Downs. Funny side note is that I accidentally bought the book vs. the bible study and didn't discover that I had the wrong book until I was 6 chapters in and my friend wondered why I said there was nothing really to answer. After fixing my mistake and getting the bible study version I am happy to report that I have finished week one. I am also enjoying the book as it provides more depth. (We aren't doing the video series)

This study has made so many feelings rise to the surface for me. The study is based on Romans 5:3-5. Suffering->Perserverance->Character->HOPE. For once in my life I can say that I am not currently in a state of suffering. There are things I am working through, but I am in a phase of reflection. As I was looking for stats for Bronson today to compare them to Ashlin's growth, I discovered a blog that I had written about a conversation that Bronson and I had directly following the news of my sister's cancer:

Bronson (3.5): Mommy, why are you sad?
Me: She She is sick
Bronson: Did she die? (I literally shuttered when he asked this)
Me: No baby, she is just very sick. We need to pray for her
Bronson: Mommy, I already prayed for her last night and she will be fine, but you want to know what? I have a brother that lives in heaven and I am fine with that too.

WOW is all I can say! At the time I would have never imagined that my sister's battle would end with her being faithfully taken into the arms of Jesus. But you know what? My son was right! God has provided me with such hope in knowing that His story is not over and my sister's story lives on. I have hope that one day when I pass from this Earth that I will see her again. In her final moments she left with me with such hope and peace. No, it doesn't hurt any less, but there really were lovely moments in the depth of my suffering. I am looking forward to finding more lovely.

Ashlin Grace: 19 Months Old

17 lbs, 11 ounces

29 inches tall

Working on her 13th and 14th teeth

Ashlin is the funniest little girl in the world. She has a mix of her Dad’s sense of humor and mine. It makes for some pretty fun times in our household. Her favorite person in the entire world is her Brother whom she has nicknamed, “Booman.” This is also the same word she uses the majority of time to say balloon. She doesn’t say very many words by themselves, but has mastered the following sentences:

·         You get it.

·         Here/There You go.

·         I’m not tired.

·         I want bottle and nigh night.

·         Eat, please

Her favorite activities include anything outdoors, playing ball, playing with her dolls, destroying the Tupperware drawer, ransacking her Brother’s room, playing hide n’ seek, and pretending to do laundry. She has hit the jackpot when it comes to her weekly care. She spends two days a week with her Grammy Tracey and two other days with her Grandpa George. Tuesdays we have a rotating schedule of close friends that come over to play and spoil her. Anyone that takes care of her will spend the day sniffing her blankets, toys, and anything else she deems appropriate. She "sniffs" EVERYTHING. She has such an independent personality that she adapts well to change and loves having new people to play with. Our goal has been to get her to 2 years old before we put her into formal daycare. We might have to do this a bit earlier than anticipated, but our recent tour calmed my fears as she LOVED seeing and interacting with other kiddos.

Ashlin is extremely tiny. Her brother was super small, but she is about 2-3 pounds less than he was at this age. She loves her bottles and isn’t the most ferocious eater, but has recently learned that saying, “Eat, please” will get her just about anything. Last night was her first try of blueberries and she refused to eat them because she thought that they were balls. (Yes, I know that this sounds so wrong…get your mind out of the gutter.) She is very determined and unless it is her idea she doesn’t often conform to what others think or say. This comes full force when I try to get her to keep anything in her hair. I try as hard as I can to keep her hair fixed nice, but she refuses anything. It might just be a Mommy thing. She recently had her babysitter fix her hair and kept it in the whole day. We are over the moon with our baby girl and watching her grow.