Looking for Lovely

In the past several years I have had the opportunity to be part of many women's groups and/or bible studies. I have made many great friends in these groups and shared a multitude of life experiences with others. After my sister passed I continued to lead a single mother's group for a few months, but after much prayer stepped away from that position. Since then I have struggled to find my way back into a group whether it be a small group or bible study that fits my current life situation. When a precious member of my tribe shared that she also was looking to dig deeper we decided to search for a quick (7 week study) that we could complete over the next couple of months. After much research I found, Looking for Lovely by Annie Downs. Funny side note is that I accidentally bought the book vs. the bible study and didn't discover that I had the wrong book until I was 6 chapters in and my friend wondered why I said there was nothing really to answer. After fixing my mistake and getting the bible study version I am happy to report that I have finished week one. I am also enjoying the book as it provides more depth. (We aren't doing the video series)

This study has made so many feelings rise to the surface for me. The study is based on Romans 5:3-5. Suffering->Perserverance->Character->HOPE. For once in my life I can say that I am not currently in a state of suffering. There are things I am working through, but I am in a phase of reflection. As I was looking for stats for Bronson today to compare them to Ashlin's growth, I discovered a blog that I had written about a conversation that Bronson and I had directly following the news of my sister's cancer:

Bronson (3.5): Mommy, why are you sad?
Me: She She is sick
Bronson: Did she die? (I literally shuttered when he asked this)
Me: No baby, she is just very sick. We need to pray for her
Bronson: Mommy, I already prayed for her last night and she will be fine, but you want to know what? I have a brother that lives in heaven and I am fine with that too.

WOW is all I can say! At the time I would have never imagined that my sister's battle would end with her being faithfully taken into the arms of Jesus. But you know what? My son was right! God has provided me with such hope in knowing that His story is not over and my sister's story lives on. I have hope that one day when I pass from this Earth that I will see her again. In her final moments she left with me with such hope and peace. No, it doesn't hurt any less, but there really were lovely moments in the depth of my suffering. I am looking forward to finding more lovely.