Thursday, November 20, 2008

Almost through the day...

Okay, this is the fifth time that I have started this blog. I guess I can start by saying that I am officially 15 minutes away from saying that I have made it through this day. To be honest, this day has not been as difficult as I thought it would be. The 18th was a different story. I had prepared myself that it wouldn't be an easy day, but I didn't prepare myself for someone very close to me to lose their baby on the same day as I had lost mine. I felt hopeless to help them and couldn't find it within myself to offer them any words of comfort. For a brief moment I began to ask, why? why God is this happening? Couldn't it have been on any other day? I couldn't even muster a single word of shear comfort because inside I was hurting so bad and I didn't want her to know that it was also such a painful day for me.

In the midst of this extremely painful moment Bronson needed an emergency bath so I took him upstairs. All of the sudden a peace came over me and I began to hum a song. At first I didn't even realize what song it was until I couldn't stop myself from singing it out loud. I began singing, Better Hands Now by Natalie Grant. I like this song, but it normally isn't played all that much at my house (It is not on my IPOD). I let the words sink in for a moment and I began to understand that God has the power to give and to take away and though we won't know until our day in heaven there is a reason for everything. It doesn't not take the pain away from losing a child; yet it did make me feel better. I let myself reflect that I shouldn't grieve for Jackson, he is definitely in better hands now. I also reflected for a brief moment that he now has another little angel baby to join him up in heaven. I prayed that this might be an opportunity for this angel baby's mommy to draw close to God and let him lead her to a better place now.

For those of you that would like to read the words to this song, here you go:

Natalie Grant
In Better Hands
It's hard to stand on shifting sand, It's hard to shine in the shadows of the night
You can't be free if you don't reach for help, You cant love if you don't love yourself
There is hope when my faith runs out, Cause I'm in better hands now
It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down,It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground,
So take this heart of mine there's no doubt,I'm in better hands now,
I am strong all because of you, I stand in awe of every mountain that you move
Oh I am changed, yesterday is gone, I am safe from this moment on
There's no fear when the night comes 'round,I'm in better hands now
It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down, It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground,
So take this heart of mine there's no doubt, I'm in better hands now
It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down, It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground
Its like the world is silent though I know it isn't true, Its like the breath of Jesus is right here in this room
So take this heart of mine there's no doubt,I'm in better hands now, I'm in better hands now

On a much lighter note, something happened that helped me get through this day. My son decided to start crawling. Yes, we count this. He still doesn't realize that he is doing it, but it is so cute. I was crying pure tears of joy watching his little legs move across the floor. I can't believe that he can do this...I have never been more proud!!! I will try to post the video later.


No comments: