Man, we have changed!!!

Bronson showing off his mad standing skills
Our "messy" boy

Our friends always told us that things would change once we had a baby, but I never guessed to what extent. Tonight was a true testament of how much the clean freak couple has changed. I let go of all thoughts of keeping my house spic and span and handed Bronson a cracker in his once pristine walker. Kyle mentioned that we should take the steering wheel off and let him use the eating tray for what it was designed to do. He also mentioned that we should give him some cheerios too. It was my wise idea to give him some white rice to feed to himself. Well, you can guess what happened next...a true 100% mess. In the midst of stripping him down to remove the huge mess we also discovered that he had a wonderful surprise in his diaper and that maybe that was the reason for his fussing all through dinner. He wasn't wanting more food; he was wanting a clean diaper. The clean up job for this dinner lasted over an hour, but I think it prepared us that this is only the beginning of messes to come. As Thanksgiving approaches I am so thankful for a little boy to have in my house to make messes, I welcome each and every future mess. (I know that sooner or later I will retract this statement, but for now I am looking forward to them.)

Tag, I'm it!!!

Traci, my friend from high school tagged me, so here it goes. I found this one to be pretty interesting...Thanks for sharing. I know most of you won't do these, but I had time at 5am this morning.

6 Random facts:
1. Link this post to the person who tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. List 6 random things about yourself.
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know they have been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up

So here it goes:

1: Even if someone has disappointed me in the past, I always expect the best from everyone. This is a constant topic of conversation around our house, because Kyle says I should learn that no one is perfect and that once they have lost trust it should take a long time to earn it back. I guess I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and then see how it goes, but this often ends in hurt and seeing that people can't change as easily as I think that they can.

2: I love the channel TLC. I could watch Jon and Kate plus 8 all day long. Yes, Kate seriously annoys me, but if I had 8 children running around my house all day long I would probably be a bit on edge too. I also enjoy watching Little People, Big World. Once again, Kyle does not like either of these shows and prefers to be out in the garage if I am watching them. I tivo them and watch them when he is at work.

3: My dream job would be to be a part-time, event/wedding planner. Yes, it is very stressful. I currently plan weddings on occasion and it stresses me out, but I love it. I wish that there was enough business around here for me to keep busy and not have to do anything else. I have looked lots of places to find this type of employment, but I can't seem to find it.

4: I do NOT like animals. I am allergic to cats and I could totally do without dogs. I am still nice to animals, but I would prefer that they leave me alone. Yes, I do think that kittens and puppies are cute, but I don't want to touch them. Touching animals seriously makes me think of washing my hands 50 million times that day. I do make allowances for certain animals, but I still fill the need to wash my hands like crazy. I am very annoyed when people compare having animals to the likeness of having a child. I have heard several people say that their dog shares as much responsibility as having a child. I would like for them to come and tell me that after they give birth and raise their child.

5: I love food. If I gave into temptation, I would weigh well over 200 pounds. Lucky for me I crave healthy foods, such as fruits and veggies. I love to try different types of foods, the weirder the better. I would pretty much try anything; leave out weird meats. My favorite thing to do is to go to Big River in Corvallis and order the craziest thing on the menu. My only problem is that then I love it and they never offer it again.

6: I love blogging, but more importantly I love to read other people's blogs. I feel connected to people that I have never even met in person because of experiences that we have shared. I also find lots of healing being able to share my experiences with others and give them words of encouragement as they go through lifes little moments. I am thankful for the chance to get in touch with those that I lost contact with after high school. I also find it encouraging to know that I am not the only one that has weird thoughts as a first time mother. I recently read a high school friend's blog and her list of what she didn't know before motherhood was so perfect.

I tag...Kandis, Sheryl, Snow, Kelleigh (she probably won't have time), and Amber Grover.

Almost through the day...

Okay, this is the fifth time that I have started this blog. I guess I can start by saying that I am officially 15 minutes away from saying that I have made it through this day. To be honest, this day has not been as difficult as I thought it would be. The 18th was a different story. I had prepared myself that it wouldn't be an easy day, but I didn't prepare myself for someone very close to me to lose their baby on the same day as I had lost mine. I felt hopeless to help them and couldn't find it within myself to offer them any words of comfort. For a brief moment I began to ask, why? why God is this happening? Couldn't it have been on any other day? I couldn't even muster a single word of shear comfort because inside I was hurting so bad and I didn't want her to know that it was also such a painful day for me.

In the midst of this extremely painful moment Bronson needed an emergency bath so I took him upstairs. All of the sudden a peace came over me and I began to hum a song. At first I didn't even realize what song it was until I couldn't stop myself from singing it out loud. I began singing, Better Hands Now by Natalie Grant. I like this song, but it normally isn't played all that much at my house (It is not on my IPOD). I let the words sink in for a moment and I began to understand that God has the power to give and to take away and though we won't know until our day in heaven there is a reason for everything. It doesn't not take the pain away from losing a child; yet it did make me feel better. I let myself reflect that I shouldn't grieve for Jackson, he is definitely in better hands now. I also reflected for a brief moment that he now has another little angel baby to join him up in heaven. I prayed that this might be an opportunity for this angel baby's mommy to draw close to God and let him lead her to a better place now.

For those of you that would like to read the words to this song, here you go:

Natalie Grant

In Better Hands

It's hard to stand on shifting sand, It's hard to shine in the shadows of the night

You can't be free if you don't reach for help, You cant love if you don't love yourself

There is hope when my faith runs out, Cause I'm in better hands now

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down,It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground,

So take this heart of mine there's no doubt,I'm in better hands now,

I am strong all because of you, I stand in awe of every mountain that you move

Oh I am changed, yesterday is gone, I am safe from this moment on

There's no fear when the night comes 'round,I'm in better hands now

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down, It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground,

So take this heart of mine there's no doubt, I'm in better hands now

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down, It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground

Its like the world is silent though I know it isn't true, Its like the breath of Jesus is right here in this room

So take this heart of mine there's no doubt,I'm in better hands now, I'm in better hands now

On a much lighter note, something happened that helped me get through this day. My son decided to start crawling. Yes, we count this. He still doesn't realize that he is doing it, but it is so cute. I was crying pure tears of joy watching his little legs move across the floor. I can't believe that he can do this...I have never been more proud!!! I will try to post the video later.

A moment to reflect...

Tomorrow, the 18th marks the day that I have not been looking forward to for the past year. It marks the last day that I ever felt the little pitter patter of Jackson's feet. It marks the last day that I actively felt baby "b" moving around and hogging all of the room from baby "a." It marks the beginning of me becoming a mommy starting a very long, sometimes painful, mostly rewarding journey. Today I actually miss the feeling of being pregnant. I have three very close friends (sorry, still top secret) that have shared their upcoming blessings. It reminds me of the different events of being pregnant.

I remember Bronson's personality (baby "a") as being the quite sleeper of the two. Jackson (baby "b") was our active one. I actually found out that he was a boy at 15 weeks because he wouldn't stop putting his little bottom up to the ultrasound to show off. It is hard to explain how you can bond with a baby that you never were able to physically hold or get to know, yet I feel that I distinctly felt his personality. Today I made a huge step towards letting my heart be mended.

Bronson has decided that one of his very favorite toys is my preemie cabbage patch doll. He carries it all over the place. He especially loves to hold it and pat the head while his daddy holds him. Mom commented that if he was going to be carrying a doll around, it might be better if he were dressed like a boy. I thought for a minute and then decided that there was really no reason to keep an outfit for a baby that was transformed into a beautiful body in heaven. I decided to let Bronson have his doll dressed in what would be Jackson's coming home outfit. For some reason this brought such peace over me. Bronson checked out his baby very seriously and then looked at the hat and pulled it off and laid a big smooch on his head. I love that he is so loving. I also love that my manly husband doesn't seem to mind that his baby boy loves dolls. He said that it only is teaching him to be loving to another baby. I also must add that it teaches him to one day be a kind and loving daddy. This small moment was so intensely healing for me.

I plan on keeping myself busy this week. I am trying not to dwell on our loss, but rather our gain. Bronson is such a blessing. Jackson's short life on earth in my tummy is also a blessing. We were once told that we may never have kids, so who I am I to complain of having just one to raise. I feel overly blessed that I once had two and got to feel the movement of these two little ones growing inside me. I still miss my baby, but I guess I just have to continue to think happy thoughts to get through this sad week.

The best thing about November...

Smiling at mommy
Watching the Beavers win wearing his lucky shirt with Uncle Jimmy

Getting a bath in the sink from daddy

The best thing about November is my husband's birthday. He just turned 28 this past week and it made me laugh to think that this was the 12th birthday of his that we have spent together. I am so overwhelmed to have him in my life. I would have never guessed that in 6th grade the boy that sat a couple of seats away from me would someday become my best friend, lover, and the father of my children. I don't want this to be a sappy email, but I just wanted to drop a quick blog to say that there is something wonderful about the month of November. This month has been foreshadowed by lots of sadness, but instead of focusing on the hurtful things of this month I am trying my best to let happiness overshadow any of the sadness.

Here is a few quick pictures to share of our time with two of our best friends. Kyle got his best b-day present on the 11th, one day after his birthday. Bronson has began saying da-da all the time. It was combined with some gibberish that we couldn't understand. Finally tonight he got the gibberish under control and we soon realized that he is saying, good-boy da-da, good boy da-da. Way too cute. Kyle constantly tells our son that he is a good boy and this is by far such a gift for Kyle to hear. We were both melting inside after hearing our little boy say these cute words.

Something to share...

I was recently reading a blog of one of my friends and noticed that she apologized for posting too many pictures of her children. I won't apologize, for I see my blog as a place to journal and lucky for others that get to look in on my personal thoughts and see what I post. Bronson is the most important little guy in my life and I want there to be a record for him to look at one day and see how much both of his parents love him. I love being able to look back at some of my older posts and to see how much he has grown and the little things that we over look as we watch him grow. Lately we have noticed by looking at earlier pictures that he went through quite a chubby stage. We have also noticed that he is growing hair more quickly lately and Auntie Ashley is waiting in line for his first haircut. (She may have to wait a long time.)

I am posting a quick blog to share a special video of our little guy that I found while looking through our family pictures. It was too cute not to share...What a change he has made since this...Kyle still says that it is hard from him to look at NICU pictures. Tears do sometimes make their way upon my face when I look at pictures, but I find myself being especially grateful for all that God has done.

Bronson 10 months: A little late

Bronson and Olivia
Bronson and Mr. Bear

Our little monkey

The day we had to lower the crib mattress

Bronson driving to Grandma and Grandpa's

Our super cute guy drinking some water

Hello to all- Yes, it is that time again...Bronson update. He is a big 10 months old today!!!! Kyle and I can barely believe that our little baby is getting so close to one years old. We spent this last weekend at his Halloween NICU reunion in Eugene and it sure brought us back to the day he was born. We are so amazed at the wonderful things that have happened in our lives since we have been blessed by our sons' birth. Bronson is continuing to amaze us everyday!

Here is some current stats: -16 pounds, 2 ounces

-25 3/4 inches long

-He now plays for long periods of time on the floor

-He has tried almost all his vegetables and most fruits. He has decided he doesn't like any green veggies except avocados

-He can now move is walker all over our living room (Yes, I know that walkers are dangerous)

-He no longer sleeps thru the night; he wakes up all the time (oh joy for mommy and daddy)

-He is super affectionate and loves to kiss and hug

We are looking forward to several fun things in the next month, including a trip to Sunriver. This weekend we will hold our first annual Jackson Deets' Memorial Fundraiser. We have been so overwhelmed by the support that we can't wait to see the turn out. If you have time stop by and shop. Have a great Fall Weekend!!! -Love the Deets Family Hence the reason for our late update. Bronson is continuing to grow so quickly...

We passed our goal!!!

Congratulations, April Chapman!!! Winner of the quilt raffle.

Uncle Jason came over to help with Bronson during the day

Uncle Jimmy wanted his own balloon

Auntie Christen, BF Ayden, and Auntie Summer all getting ready!!!

Uncle Jimmy and Daddy needed bibs too!!! Showing OSU spirit...

Look at all the fun stuff

More cute items

Thank you to everyone that was able to come and visit at our 1st annual Jackson Deets Memorial Fundraiser. We were overwhelmed by the support and love that we all received. Kyle and his friends even managed to have a few laughs in the midst of being in a salon surrounded by baby items for 2 hours. We have been so blessed to have such great family and friends support us during this past year. There was a very specific reason that we decided to hold this event in November. In November of 2007 we were busy going to baby showers and getting things ready for the upcoming arrival of our two boys. It was November 20th that we found out that we would only be bringing one of our baby boys home. Being the event planner and organizer that I am, I decided to make this month super busy by holding an annual event. Rather than dwell on November being a sad month; let's make it an annual fundraiser month. This year all funds that were collected are being donated in Jackson's name to March of Dimes. Kyle has already decided that next year all funds will be donated to the Eugene Guest House. This is the organization that housed us for nearly two months while we stayed in Eugene. If we would have had to pay our whole bill it would have exceeded $4000, yet they gladly took our small donation and didn't even blink. We were extremely blessed to have such an awesome organization available for us during our NICU stay.

Well, I guess that you are all eager to hear how last night's even went; we aren't done yet. We have a few items that are still available to purchase and a few donations on their way in the mail. Yet, we have already exceeding my expectations and then some. Last night we raised over $1100!!! It brought tears to my eyes to know that we were able to raise this much money for such a wonderful organization. Now it is time to get your feet ready for the March of Dimes/March for babies walk in April. We want to have a huge team of supporters out there walking on behalf of our two sons. Let me know if you would like to walk and I will get your t-shirt made. It will be the last Saturday in April. We are super excited to spend some time reflecting on all of our wonderful blessings this past year. It is much better to dwell on the good, rather than the bad!!! God bless you all and thanks so very much-Amber

Quick bit of information: If you would like to make a donation or buy an item, please contact me. We are still raising funds for our team until April. All items that are not purchased by February will be donated to the Philomath Baby Bank.