Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Forgiveness of Testy

Last night I ran out of reading material and decided to revisit a couple of journals that I had written in several years ago. I ran a nice long bath and sat down to read my Loving Well Journal by Beth Moore that I was given a few years ago at a women's retreat. It is always interesting to read your notes several years later. I noticed that I had made a personal commitment to be more meaningful and forgiving in my relationships. I admitted in the journal that I have several people in my life that I may find "testy," but that I would make the commitment to be more loving towards them. I so needed to read those words on Sunday.

I am proud to admit that over the last few months I have sent out a couple of emails to people in my past that needed to hear the words, please forgive me and I forgive you. In both cases the letters were well received and even though we might not call each other on a daily basis the hurt/anger is completely gone. I felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I prayed long and hard before sending out the emails and I believe it is because I listened to God's knudging and His answer to my prayer that both situations were so successful.

My new problem is one of dealing with the "testies" in my life. These people are the ones that you may find hard to love; sometimes calling it humanly impossible. I really struggle with this because I feel that I am a good friend to those that are my friends. I have some of the best friends that a girl could possibly have in her corner. I have been blessed this past year with a new group of friends added by small group sessions that are some of the most beautiful women I know. One such friend Jodie is just the kind of friend I need; we are honest with each, pray for each other, there for each other in moment's notice, and a sounding board when things are difficult in life. We both hold each accountable in being nice, kind, and gentle with others. When I am having a really bad day I know that she is there.

I have dealt with too many "testies" in my life and find that I tend to put up some major boundaries when it comes to new relationships with friends. One of my friends put it pretty good when she stated that she really doesn't have a lot of time or room for more superficial relationships in her life. She, like me is blessed with great sibling relationships and the few friends that she does have become very special. After reading this journal over again I realized that Beth is not saying that the Lord requires us to have a relationship with all people that we come across, but to be loving towards them. When those testies come into our life and try to stir the pot turn the other cheek, pray for them, and most importantly be slow to anger or speak ill towards them. This is something I am prayerfully working on in my life. It is very hard to forgive when you have been hurt, but I can definitely practice being loving towards others. The journal says when you are feeling low or at the brink call out to God and ask Him to love on you. The Lord knows just what we need and when we need it. I am going to make some extra time this week to get my love tank full.