Sunday, March 1, 2009

Extreme Home Makeover

Did anyone else watch Extreme Home Makeover tonight? I did because I was told that the people being honored with a new home were a couple that did a lot of work for March of Dimes and also had a premature infant. I am glad that I watched the show, but realized in the middle that it brought forward an EXTREME flood of emotions. I don't normally watch the show because it has the ability to make me cry extremely hard for complete strangers, but tonight was even different. The woman on the show was such an inspiration. She had taken her experience as a NICU mommy and turned it into something positive by helping others in similar situations. She has became famous for photographing infants that are either stillborn or have very little time left on earth.

This was the part that hit an emotional nerve with me. My biggest regret in regards to Jackson is that we did not have photographs taken. These are some of my most private thoughts when I think about the day that I delivered our twins. I regret that I was too overcome by emotions and fear that I didn't take the time to treasure the few moments that Kyle and I had with our heavenly angel. Part of this was beyond my control, things weren't done exactly how they were supposed to be done. I know that he was no longer here on Earth, but I wish for just once that I had the opportunity to hold him or that I had just one picture of his precious body. Kyle sometimes talks about how much Bronson looks like him. I struggle to recall such memories because the memory of seeing him still sometimes strikes such a painful nerve. The only things that I physically have of Jackson are his footprints and two photographs that a nurse took of his little feet. I thank God for people such as the woman on Extreme Home Makeover that do a professional job of helping families preserve such an intimate moment in their lives. I would suggest that anyone that is ever put into this type of situation have the opportunity to have pictures taken of their loved one. I also thank God for the many nurses that helped us during our time at Sacred Heart. The two nurses that helped us by creating a memory box for Jackson are so very near and dear to my heart.