This month has began in sadness, I don't know why, but it feels very lonely. I hesitate to share too much on my blog because I don't want to sound like I am whining, but October is going to be a hard month. October of 2007 was such a month of celebration. It also marked the beginning of a journey that we never thought we would travel. A week from today, October 10, 2007 was when we found out we were having twin boys. Kyle and I could not settle on a name until after we knew that our little baby "b" had went home to be with his heavenly father. Last October I remember being so excited to find out the sexes of our babies. I never imagined that I would be the mommy of one boy let alone two boys.
Let me explain. In our family the first born generation has always been girls and only one first born woman has had a son. I am the 1st to have a firstborn son, let alone two beautiful baby boys. I am so thankful for Bronson. It has been such a rough last couple of weeks. He and I have been sick off and on and it is not fun dealing with him being sick, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love how he snuggles up to me and when he is super tired loves to smother me with kisses. He is even making the kissing sounds now. It melts my heart when he grabs my face and lays a big kiss on me. He is such an affectionate baby. I know that this blog is all over the place. It is almost midnight on a Friday night and I am trying to do a lot of personal reflection. My mind is all over the place. I just don't know how to deal with these next couple of months. I am realizing that I need to completely grasp onto Jesus and not let go. I need Him always, but I realize that in these times of sadness it is truely only Him that can help get me through this. Here is a poem that I found on another mom's website. I like the way that it was written.
How thin the veil between the worlds
On the day of birth
And the day of death.
One moment your spirit resided
Within a sweet, perfect body
Cradled within mine.
The next it had fled
Back to where we all long to be.
A sacred gift it was
To be so close to Father in Heaven
As we welcomed you from His presence
And bid you farewell as you returned.
A holy privilege it is
To be your mother.
The only time you knew away from Him
Was the time you spent next to my heart.
