Sunday, October 24, 2010

I thought I would be a better mommy

Have you ever had one of those days when you feel like a failure as a mother? I had one of those mornings. I woke up with less than 4 hours of sleep after a night spent dealing with a sick child and my patience was thin. I had to fulfill my responsibility of teaching eight 3 year old's a Sunday School lesson while Kyle stayed home with Bronson. After getting home I lost my cool. I yelled at Bronson. Before I had Bronson I didn't think that I would be a yeller. I had this little idea in my head that I would be the world's perfect mommy. Why did I think this? I really don't know. I think that everyone thinks that they will be the best parent before they are actually thrown in to do the job. I was talking with our good friend Andy last night and we discussed the saying, "Fake it until you make it." I think that sometimes that saying might be applied to my daily life of parenting.

Two year old's are tough. I love my little man beyond words, but I will also be the first one to admit that he can push my buttons better than any other person I know. I am striving to apply the principles of parenting that I believe in. Kyle and I are a blend of parenting principles. I know several people that might not like the way that we parent, but my feeling is that each parent has their right to define their own parenting style as long as they child is safe, loved, and nurtured. I would say that most of our believes include aspects of "attachment parenting," although we aren't a real strict policy holder of any one parenting method. Does this make us bad parents? I don't think so. It makes us REAL parents. Children are not born with an instruction manual and they take work on both parents parts. I am one lucky lady to have a strong and supportive husband that goes through these days with me.

Here are some of the things we strive to do with Bronson:

Per Dr. Sears' theory of attachment parenting (AP), proponents such as the API attempt to foster a secure bond with their children by promoting eight principles which are identified as goals for parents to strive for. These eight principles are:

1.Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting

2.Feed with Love and Respect

3.Respond with Sensitivity

4.Use Nurturing Touch

5.Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally

6.Provide Consistent Loving Care

7.Practice Positive Discipline

8.Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

I know that I am not doing any of these perfectly, but I am trying. I pray daily for guidance to teach Bronson that he is loved not only by his parents, but more importantly by God. I also want to teach him to love God and others. What have you done to prepare for parenthood? Any suggestions you would give to a first time parent? Our next step is to read, "Bringing Up Boys." As with any job, we study and continue on. I will spend some time tonight praying for forgiveness for being quick to lose my temper and give my son a kiss goodnight. I know that he is loved, safe, and taken care of. For now that is my answer to prayers.

And yes...sometimes he gets an easy day because I think back to this. Does this mean I am a pushover?