Bronson: 15 Months Old

First time walking March 22, 2009
Auntie Austin and Bronson at Otter Crest

Mommy and Bronson

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One day late, but here it is:

Bronson is 15 months old. Kyle mentioned today that he is a one year old going on 17. He seems to want to do everything by himself, including push his own stroller, even though he is not tall enough or walking well enough to do this task himself. He has also decided that his bike is good for tricks of all kinds and refuses to sit while on it. I guess he gets this from his dad that did several years of motocross in high school. He also escaped and opened up the non-latched baby gate (my mistake) and climbed the stairs. I was right behind him, but he is a little climbing machine lately. We are also still trying to get him to sleep through the night. Basically he hasn't had a whole nights sleep since he turned one. Mommy is getting VERY tired.

Here are his current stats:

• 19 pounds, 12 ounces (2o percent tile on the REAL chart)
• 29 1/4 inches tall (10 percent tile on the REAL chart)
• Not a big eater, but loves to try whatever his parents are eating
• Walks, crawls, and moves wherever he wants.
• The day after he began walking he went to the ER after hitting his head and throwing up. Not one of our finer moments. We were so scared.
• Loves to tickle people, especially his Auntie Ashley
• His favorite animal is the monkey and he doesn't care which one he has as long as it is a monkey. (stuffed animal)
• He now has 6 teeth and yes, I am reminded often that they look weird.
• He still hasn't had a haircut, but hopefully will get one this week.
• His favorite trip is to the beach. He loves to walk in the sand.
• Doesn't talk much lately, just lots of laughing.

Before I became a mommy...

I thought I would write down some random thoughts I was having. Some are not so serious, but many of these are some intense feelings of motherhood. I might even add more later.

Before I became his mommy…

• I cared too much about what others thought of me.
• I shopped too much for stupid things.
• I didn’t truly realize what a broken heart felt like.
• I spent more than 10 minutes getting ready to go somewhere.
• My marriage was great, but we spent too much time doing our “own” things.
• I didn’t concern myself over organic food and what went into each and every baby food product.
• I didn’t even know what a perinatologist was, let alone what the inside of a NICU looked like.
• I never imagined holding a 2 pound baby. I dreamed about the day I would give birth naturally and hold my baby directly afterwards.
• I always said that my baby would never sleep with me. 15 months later, he still snuggles with us more nights than not.
• My biggest fear was death. My new biggest fear is failure to bring Bronson up right. Once you have faced your fears; they seem to become smaller.
• With worrying too much about what others thought, I never said no. I now regularly decline invitations to events that take too much time away from my family.
• I have decided that it is better to have a quiet night at home that be bouncing around from place to place.
• My house was ALWAYS clean.
• I didn’t take as good of care of myself. I now have a mission to stay healthy to be able to raise my son.
• I realize how important my family is. I love tradition and want to make tons of them to let Bronson know how much he is valued.
• I wanted to be the most successful Criminal Justice professional around. I now strive to be the best mommy there ever was.
• I looked too far into the future. I now take each day as it comes.
• I didn’t appreciate the blessings I was given as much as I do now.
• I never realized that everyday I would fall in love with my husband even more as he continued to fall in love with our son.

He is...

WALKING!!!!! It is official...Bronson is a certified walker. He not only did these steps, but then turned, pivoted, and moved about the room. He is one tired boy after spending the majority of this evening walking around Grandma and Grandpa's house exploring what things he can get into after his new found freedom. I am beyond happy at this accomplishment. I added a video that allows a little glimpse of his Frankenstein walk.

Quick Catch Up

Things are going good with the Deets. We have been pretty busy lately with lots of activities. Mostly I have been working like crazy to get organized for our March for Babies event on April 25, 2009. I am now starting to get a little nervous about doing a speech, however it will be a wonderful way of honoring Bronson. Since our trip to the beach with Bronson he has been growing like a weed. He loves getting into everything and I have to tell him millions of times a day to stop messing with the plugs, plants, furniture, and other objects around our house. His new favorite activity is to empty his snack drawer out on the floor. I really like it when he smashes all of his crackers in the floor and then cries when I start to clean them up.

Being Bronson's mommy is the most joy I have ever felt. This boy makes me so happy and I am enjoying watching his spirit blossom everyday. He definitely has a strong will and determination, but I allow it to remind me of what he has overcome. I hope that he continues to show this determination for his life. We are spending the weekend in Blodgett so that Bronson can spend some time with Grammie and Grandpa. Kyle gets his feelings hurt a bit because he only has eyes for them while we are there, but it is good for him. We aren't able to go to Redmond this weekend because of the bad weather so I am going to spend some time getting some stuff done.

Jackson's plaque is finally hung at the Blodgett cemetery. I don't know why but this has made me want to stop there more often. I think because it gives me a place to reflect on all that has happened in the almost 2 past years. I find it peaceful to go there and clean Lindsay's grave and thank God for all of the many blessings that I have amidst some serious sadness. I also am grateful that I have survived this loss and am beginning to start to feel as normal as I can. Once again, I will never be "over" this, but I am getting through it.

Things I am a looking forward to: (Traci, I stole this from you, thanks)

• warmer weather
• trip to the beach with Bronson and mom
• March for Babies
• Women's Retreat
• Getting to use Kyle's birthday present, tickets to a comedy show that was postponed
• Summer babies of some of my close friends

Not much of a post, but a little recap of our lives.

1st Beach Trip

Kyle and I both took a vacation day on Friday in order to visit family in Redmond, but plans got changed. The weatherman said that it was supposed to snow and we heard from our Uncle Rick that Grandpa is having some health problems. Please keep Grandpa Kerfoot in your prayers. We will hear tomorrow what the doctors decide to do. We really want to take our little guy over the mountain to visit family and hope that the opportunity comes sooner than later. Anyways, instead of sitting at home doing what we always do we all decided to go over to the beach. It was beautiful. It was also extra special because Bronson's 1st beach trip was shared with his grandma and grandpa. He loves them so much and they enjoy him beyond words.

He was such a trooper through out the day. We first went over to the outlet stores where Ann and I toured the Coach store. I was a very good girl and didn't purchase anything for myself. There were so many good deals, but now with my mommy budget I know my limits. Ann and I did buy a few things for Bronson, who is now set for summer clothes. The guys then told us that they needed to eat so we went to a restaurant that we have always had good results. This time was MUCH different. Kyle joked that they threw some frozen fish sticks in the deep fryer and charged us $14 a piece. It was pretty gross, especially paired up with the worst dirty diaper Bronson has had in a long time. He normally doesn't do his business in public, but I guess he thought it was that kind of place. It was a two man clean-up job!!!

After our disgusting dinner we stopped off at the beach next to Kylo's and took Bronson down for a walk on the beach. He was so funny. He wanted to get down right away. His eyes got so big and as soon as we took his shoes and socks off we couldn't get him out of the sand. He wasn't really into touching it with his fingers, but loved putting his toes in the sand. Kyle and Bill both took turns walking him out into the ocean and he also loved this. He even let go of his Papa's hands and took a couple steps to his daddy. It was a great 1st beach trip for Bronson. Unfortunately for him he passed out on the way to ice cream so he missed out on that portion of the trip. Maybe next time Monkey Man!!!

Extreme Home Makeover

Did anyone else watch Extreme Home Makeover tonight? I did because I was told that the people being honored with a new home were a couple that did a lot of work for March of Dimes and also had a premature infant. I am glad that I watched the show, but realized in the middle that it brought forward an EXTREME flood of emotions. I don't normally watch the show because it has the ability to make me cry extremely hard for complete strangers, but tonight was even different. The woman on the show was such an inspiration. She had taken her experience as a NICU mommy and turned it into something positive by helping others in similar situations. She has became famous for photographing infants that are either stillborn or have very little time left on earth.

This was the part that hit an emotional nerve with me. My biggest regret in regards to Jackson is that we did not have photographs taken. These are some of my most private thoughts when I think about the day that I delivered our twins. I regret that I was too overcome by emotions and fear that I didn't take the time to treasure the few moments that Kyle and I had with our heavenly angel. Part of this was beyond my control, things weren't done exactly how they were supposed to be done. I know that he was no longer here on Earth, but I wish for just once that I had the opportunity to hold him or that I had just one picture of his precious body. Kyle sometimes talks about how much Bronson looks like him. I struggle to recall such memories because the memory of seeing him still sometimes strikes such a painful nerve. The only things that I physically have of Jackson are his footprints and two photographs that a nurse took of his little feet. I thank God for people such as the woman on Extreme Home Makeover that do a professional job of helping families preserve such an intimate moment in their lives. I would suggest that anyone that is ever put into this type of situation have the opportunity to have pictures taken of their loved one. I also thank God for the many nurses that helped us during our time at Sacred Heart. The two nurses that helped us by creating a memory box for Jackson are so very near and dear to my heart.