Christmas through Bronson's eyes

I made the mistake opportunity to take Bronson Christmas shopping with me on Saturday and what would you know the following conversation happened when we got home.

Bronson: Daddy. we got you a brand new fresh tire for Christmas. You will love it! (I guess I forgot to mention that we don't tell Daddy what his presents are)

Bronson woke up on Sunday morning and came into our bedroom. Every morning he keeps asking if it is Christmas yet. This morning he told Kyle that he had the following dream. He flew to the North Pole in a plane that he had built, but it was a REALLY cool plan that had a Corvette engine and a choke that he had to pull to make it go. Apparently playing "Elf" all the time is making his dreams have a Christmas mission too. He is so excited for Christmas!

Yes, it sounds like our stories are mostly about presents and Santa, but without drilling it into my son's head he also is very aware of the meaning of Christmas. Some recent conversations that we have had in the car have solidified that we are bringing our son up with love in his heart for Jesus.

Bronson: Can God see us all the time?

Me: Yes, of course

Bronson: Where is he?

Me: Everywhere

Bronson: You are right mommy. I can see heaven right there as he points specifically to the sky. It is so beautiful.

I then heard him reciting the order of birthdays in our house and he says, first comes Olivia's, then baby Jesus, and then December 28th, my birthday. After he does this little countdown he says if it is baby Jesus' birthday does he need presents too? As he pauses he says no, all he wants is to love us and us to love Him.

Memory Snapshots

Ashley (Christmas 2010)

Yesterday I attended a funeral of a young woman that went to my church. It was a beautiful celebration of life that reminded me of what legacy we would like to live on beyond our short lives here on earth. This woman made such an impact on so many with her love and desire to live for Jesus Christ. After the funeral I packed my little boy up and went to spend the day with my baby sister who is doing quite well by the way. My sister is such a remarkably beautiful person inside and out. When I watch her with her little boy I find myself taking mental memory snapshots. I don't take nearly the amount of pictures that I did with Olivia and Bronson. I feel myself savoring each and every little moment with my sister Ash and her son.

This month she will be moving (only 3 hours away), but still far enough away that I can't just drop whatever I am doing and spend the afternoon with her. I am beyond happy for these days that we get to catch up and laugh together at our inside jokes. Cancer has taken away our ability to not be scared about the future. The two of us can openly talk about our inside fears and inabilities to go into the next CT-Scan without thinking about the what if's. Never for a moment will any of us take for granted the health of our family members. I will never forget August 10th as the day that took my breath away. I seriously thought that we would be sent home with a plan for a minor hernia/mass surgery, nothing like cancer.

I am working like crazy to remain neutral in my feelings towards this battle. I try not to let my emotions get the best of me as I think about what could have happened during that 12 hour surgical battle. I am so grateful that the good Lord provided my little sister more time here on earth. I am also reminded often that sometimes our plans and God's plans might be completely different and that I have to trust the Lord that he will provide answers to His will. No one will ever begin to understand why some people don't win their fights with cancer.

I marked a special day in my 2012 calendar a few days ago. I marked "1 YEAR CANCER FREE" on September 8th. I plan to take tangible pictures of my sister on that day so that we can look back years from now and remember this as just a bump in the road. I know without a doubt that God is using this journey to add to my sister's testimony. I also know that it has caused her to become more patient, love more, and realize what is important in life. I also realize that it has caused me to become even more sentimental if that was even a possibility.

Christmas Wishes 2011

Merry Christmas Family and Friends-

Our family hopes that these Christmas wishes extend to your entire family. This year we have fought battles that we never thought we would fight and have had abundant prayers answered. I am so thankful that I get the opportunity to spend my nephew's 1st Christmas with him. Even more praise worthy is that his mommy will be there to cheer him on. Life has a way of making you focus on the things that are important and I have been reminded more than once this year that what is most important is my family and relationships; especially with our Lord above.

Our little man will turn 4 this month and has continued to amaze us with his wonderful personality and ability to make others laugh. If we lived in LA I think he would be earning us millions with his uncanny ability to do stand up comedy. This child has the best personality of any little human being I have ever had the chance to know. In my heart I know that being a work outside of the home mommy suits me, but I do find myself thinking about him all day and looking forward to picking him up just so I can snuggle him and see what great conversations we will have that night.

Kyle is going on 9 months with his new position. He loves being the Director of Disability Services and Workoptions at Catholic Community Services. It is a very stressful job, but with the stress comes lots of opportunities to learn and be challenged. I am so proud of his decision to make this change and feel more than blessed with the opportunities it has allowed our family.

I just finished my first term of teaching at Western Oregon University. I still do my full-time position in the Graduate Office; however this part time teaching position has really allowed me to tap into one of my passions. I had a great group of students this term that taught me as much as I hope I was able to teach them. It was a great surprise to have more than 60% of my students arrive at their final presentations dressed professional and really see that they had taken their final projects seriously. I will be using all of their encouraging feedback to make my class even better for next term.

We as a family hope that 2012 brings better news and more answered prayers. My sister will continue to get her CT's through out the year and we hope to celebrate a one year free of cancer  in September of next year. As our family continues to pour our extra time into raising awareness of prematurity through our involvement with March of Dimes, we will also not forget the other mission to CURE CANCER. If you set new year's resolutions possibly you can think about involving yourself in some community services or other non-profit organizations to support or raise funds for their missions.

Merry Christmas~

Amber Deets


http://www.facebook.com/deetsangels
http://www.marchforbabies.org/amberdeets

Las Vegas

Kyle and I got a much needed work vacation this past month! It is hard to believe that it is the first time that the two of us have left the state of Oregon since we said, "I do" nearly 8 years ago. I was going to Vegas for a work conference so Kyle and his best friend Jim tagged along with me. We had a ton of fun, but don't think unless we have a very special event it is on our list of repeat vacations. I had a great time looking at all of the amazing architecture and of course enjoyed the nice meals. The best part of the vacation was having uninterrupted adult conversation with my husband. After 8 years my husband still rocks my world and keeps me on my toes. Jim, Kyle, and I saw everything that we hoped to see on our short trip with the minor exception of the inside of the Pawn Stars location. I did manage to get a quick picture as our bus drove past, but it wasn't on my list of priorities for the trip. Kyle's highlight of the trip was the roller coaster ride at New York, New York and getting a real coin jackpot down on Freemont Street. Our next planned vacation is this next fall. The two of us are going to stay in San Diego. I was lucky enough to be sent there this past July and really think that my honey would enjoy it with me.

World Prematurity Day

Can you spot the preemie?

A brand new life-style change has happened to me this year. I don’t carry hand sanitizer everywhere I go. I have even actually let Bronson eat food directly off of restaurant tables without agonizing the exact moment that he would become sick. last year One of the many reasons that I am more relaxed about germs is because my son underwent a life changing ear surgery this past year, but I also feel that the more time goes by the more that the fear of sickness and yes even death becomes more disconnected from my worries. I have to admit that until Bronson was nearly 3 years old I constantly fretted over when the shoe would drop. I worried constantly that he might acquire some unknown germ that would land him in the hospital. When doctors would even suggest that something might be wrong with him I wanted to wrap my arms and legs around him and hold him for dear life. I lived in a constant state of agony of not wanting him to get something, but not wanting him to grow up in a bubble.

I know that some of my friends felt it was funny to refer to me as a “germ-freak” or “overly-protective;” however until you have walked a mile in someone else’s shoes these remarks are only hurtful. Having your child immediately whisked away from the delivery room and spending the next 60 days in the NICU makes an impact so deep in your heart that it truly takes years before the dull ache of that loss can be dealt with without bringing one to their knees. I believe that my year has come. I am not for minute going to tell you that I am over my experience in the NICU. Smells, words, and even some sights can bring me directly back to certain moments of time; however, it is easier. God has provided me with such great mercy and allowed me to use this as part of my testimony to help others that are experiencing the NICU.

Mere weeks ago I received a text that literally shook me to the core. My good friend’s cousin was being admitted to the hospital at barely 25 weeks pregnant. A million emotions went through my body and realizing that I was incapable of doing any tangible thing, I began to pray. I asked my other friends to join me in this prayer circle and the positive news that we began to receive kept pouring in. We realized a day later that the gestation was actually 27 weeks and that the water breaking was actually a slow leak. This remarkable woman was able to keep her little baby in for an additional nearly 7 weeks and gave birth at 33 weeks to a VERY healthy preemie. Her little girl is doing amazingly well and expected to spend about 2 weeks in the NICU. We prayed for no time in the NICU, but God had different plans. I believe firmly that God has provided an opportunity for this mommy to join the ranks so that she can offer her testimony to others that might experience the fear, shock, and unknown while being on bed-rest and later in the NICU.

Bronson’s story is one of encouragement. Despite his hard start into this world, we are beyond blessed that our 2 pound miracle has defied all odds and has no long-term effects from his prematurity. Not all parents are as lucky. Some of Bronson’s “pod-mates” suffer from long-term breathing problems, learning disabilities, and even in some cases severe medical and physical disabilities. Not a single one of these mommies would trade their kiddos for the world, but parenting a child with disabilities does have many aspects that no one thinks about when they share the happy news of their pregnancies. I choose to be an advocate and supporter of organizations such as March of Dimes so that fewer parents have to leave the hospital without their baby. I love the doctors and nurses at Sacred Heart, but our mission is not to provide them with job security.

I recently had a friend from high school ask me how she could help support the mission. There are several ways that you can help:

•  Donate to March of Dimes

• Make a craft or card for parents in the NICU (We do NICU Christmas bags every year and deliver them to the parents in the NICU and also to the moms on bed rest)
• Raise awareness by sharing your story. Healthy full-term stories are also encouraged. “Every baby has a story.”
• Personally ask your friend that has experienced the NICU, loss, or prematurity what you can do. Sometimes all someone needs is a listening ear.
• Most importantly, pray daily for the parents of the NICU or the women laying in hospitals all over the world on bed rest.

I am very thankful that God is providing me with peace. I will continue to use this experience to spread the mission of March of Dimes and to advocate for prenatal care. I am also thankful that I chose to be faithful to God and let my son out of his bubble just slightly.

Almost 4...

In just a little over 2 months my son will be 4. I notice that Kyle and I are beginning to answer the question of Bronson's age with "almost 4". The age of 4 is a really big deal to me because at this age is when I have my first of many childhood memories. At the age of 4 was also my biggest life change; the divorce of my parents. I think often of what I was able to process at that young of an age and I realize that many of the conversations that I am now having with my little boy may be conversations that he remembers for life. I find myself having pretty deep and meaningful conversations with my little boy who seems to be growing up right before my eyes. It is hard to imagine that just four years ago he could literally fit into the palm of our hands.

I love Bronson so much that sometimes I feel that my heart could literally burst at the seams. His personality has the best combination of intellect, sense of humor, and compassion of any one person in my life. He has such a deep awareness of the world around him and never ceases to amaze me with the conversations that he is capable of having. Often I find myself expecting more of him than might be possible because he is such a smart little boy. Just this week he recited his first book, The Tooth Book all the way through word for word. When I told him that my voice was gone tonight for story time he politely responded by saying, "Don't worry mommy, I will read to you." I wish I could wrap just a piece of his sweetness into a box to open whenever I am feeling sad or lonely.

As I put Bronson to bed tonight we had a rather deep conversation. He asked me what makes me happy. He told me that I keep him in a good mood. He asked if he makes me happy. I told him that he always brings me joy! He then wanted to know if he had a sister somewhere because he would really like to have a sister. He then proceeded to tell me for Christmas that he would like a sister, a helmet, a motorcycle and a new bible. He said that he wanted to be a big brother and needed to learn how to read after Christmas so that he could read his whole bible. His desire to learn about God delights me more than I thought possible.

For the next couple of months I am going to cherish my 3 year old and continue to relish the possible conversations that we can have. I hope that bedtimes provide Kyle and I with plenty of opportunities to share Bible stories with Bronson and our love of each other and our family. I don't know if Bronson will continue to ask for a sibling for Christmas. Last year he kept asking for a brother, but he told me that Oaklen was "close enough." Unless one of my sisters wants to have a little girl I think that my kiddo is going to keep asking for a sibling. What a sweet sweet boy who has no clue of the battle that goes on in my heart when he asks for such things.

Turning 30...

My favorite picture of the evening, Ashley was really worried I had turned CRAZY!!!

Theme

Jim and I (He is one of my very best friends)



Me with the love of my life...(Doesn't he have an amazing smile?)



From left to right: Austin, Alexis, Me, Ashley and our brother James

September was a very busy month for many reasons, but for one of the more celebrated reasons I turned 30 on the 12th. We knew ahead of time that we needed to throw the birthday bash on Labor Day in order for people to be able to make it and turned out that it provided us an opportunity to have some fun prior to Ashley's surgery date. I was so thankful to have so many of my family and friends there to celebrate the beginning of my 30's. It was also nice to that Labor Day weekend was the first home game of the season for the Beavers. Jim was nice enough to host the party at his house and it was an all out color coordinated event.

On my actual birthday things went really down hill because my little sister was still in the hospital and spent most of the night not feeling well. Kyle started texting me that Bronson was sick and I headed home to spend the day at home with my sick little boy. Fortunately I have some very thoughtful and great friends that brought me over cards, flowers, and goodies. I am so thankful for all of my dear family and friends. So far life is proving to be very great in my thirties!

One of the beautiful arrangements that I received.