Monday, December 24, 2012

Dates, Dates, and More Dates

2012 has marked the first year since Bronson was born that his birthday and any preceding event that happened during my pregnancy lands on the exact day of the week that it did in 2007. I will admit that it has taken my breath away a couple of times. One very personal day I was helped out of my funk by discovering that one of my dearest friends would be having her own little baby. I don't think she was expecting quite my reaction; but I felt abundantly blessed to know that she would be a mommy.

Today Bronson caught me completely off guard. I admit that I have been keeping my emotions under my sleeve. Not being able to spend Christmas with Ashley this year was harder than I imagined. I think it hurt worse because she mentioned that she hated to miss it if it was her last. I don't even let my mind go there. She is my baby sister. We are supposed to have many years together and share being mommies together. So this is why when out of nowhere Bronson appeared very somber on the couch and said that he really missed his brother my emotions got the best of me. He is far too young to explain his entire birth/pregnancy story with, but I know that he truly does feel a sense of loss at not having his brother. I notice the more and more he watches other sibling relationships he longs for what he doesn't have.

Tonight he got quite indignant with me when he asked to see pictures and I showed him the few ultrasound pictures that I have in an album. He wanted a picture of his brother. When I explained that   I didn't have one for the second time this week he got upset and asked why. The best answer I could give him was the honest one; Daddy and Mommy were too sad when we saw Jackson because we knew his spirit was already in heaven so we didn't take any pictures. This seemed to appease him, but  I know this will not be the last of these conversations. Does anyone have any suggestions for dealing with twin loss or sibling loss?

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