Lots of posts today...

The reason that you may be seeing several posts today is because I took everything off of my myspace. This space seems a little more personal and less people view it. I have nothing to hide, but I also don't want anyone and everybody that visits my site to make judgements of me based on what I write. Thanks for reading.

Songs that mean something

My sister Alexis commented on this song the other day and said how much she loved it. I hadn't really read the words, but after she commented I decided to check them out. Things are crazy for me right now and in the midst of this craziness I have learned that my only true saving grace is my relationship with JESUS. In saying that, I know that I am guilty of forgetting to spend time alone with Him everyday. I am currently reading a book by Karen Kingsbury and although the topic is nothing that I can relate to; I can relate to feeling that I need to reinvest my focus on God. Many of you know about my family and things that I struggle with everyday. Others of you don't, but can still understand when I say that I am struggling. I have so much to be thankful for, but there are still things that leave me sad and confused. Please keep me in your prayers in regards to my relationship with my dad. I love him even though I may not be able to see him or talk to him that often. Some people confuse my lack of talking about him as a sign that I don't care. Please don't be confused, this is the way that I cope with the pain and confusion. My husband remains a rock to me through these trying times, but it is still hard for him to understand the pain that anyone experiences with broken families. Praise God that he never had to experience this pain and confusion as a young child. I know that many of you can relate to growing up in a broken home. It is not easy, but I couldn't have asked for a better person to have as a mom. I know that my mom doesn't read this myspace stuff, but I wouldn't have the confidence that I do without your love and support. God gave me my mom to show me on earth that people truly do care. But most importantly that He loves me. I don't know why I feel the need to share something so deep today, but it just struck me that some might be able to benefit from this blog. Love to all-Amber

I NEED YOU TO LOVE ME

By

BARLOWGIRL

Why, why are You still with me?

Didn't You see what I've done?

In my shame I want to run and hide myself

But it's here I see the truth

I don't deserve You

(Chorus:)

But I need You to love me, and I

I won't keep my heart from You this time

Soon I'll stop this pretending that I can

Somehow deserve what I already have

I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time

Pushing You away from me

I just never saw how much You could cherish me

Cuz You're a God who has all things

And still You want me

Your love makes me forget what I have been

Your love makes me see who I really am

Christmas Surprises

So far this Christmas season has been great!!! We just got done with one of the best Christmas Eve's we have had in years. Kyle and I hosted dinner at our house for my entire side of the family. We had 11 people total at my house with one little extra Christmas Angel. Olivia Brooke was born on the 23rd at 1:50 and lucky Auntie Amber got to have her over today all day. I can't even describe how much I love her already. I guess you already know I loved her before she was born, but she is just sooooooo perfect.

Kyle and I were driving home (his parents) this evening for Christmas and commenting on how great everyone was today. We both had a blast. We did a Mexican Fiesta theme and the food and fellowship was awesome. It was also fun getting to know Jacob and the new Joe a bit better. Both guys kind of grew out of their shell and got their first inauguration into this primarily all girl family. I guess Chuck and Kyle are getting a little more testotorone in the family. Pardon the spelling!!! It was great getting to spend some time with all my sissies and enjoying all of my family. I am just sooo happy.

Gifts were also great. Everyone loved what we got for them and I had to give Kyle his big gift a bit early. He came home just as I was unloading it from the car. So what for trying to hide it for the past month. I got him a hugh Craftsmas tool box. He loves it, but I wanted to have it set up before he saw it. My mom and Chuck also did great. I got a Versace handbag and some awesome boots from them. I LOVE THEM!!!! Kyle's favorite gift is an old fashioned tin sign that my baby sister Aussie got for him. I am sure that he will be hanging it up the next chance he gets.

Well, I better head off to bed. I am soooo tired. Lots of excitement and not much rest yet. I am looking forward to tomorrow spending some time with the wonderful foursome of Deets. Love to you all and have a great and happy holidays!!!

Love Amber

Olivia Brooke

The following is very mushy and girlie, but very lovely about my neice...

Okay, for all of you that have been viewing my pics lately you have seen the gorgeous pics of my neice, Olivia Brooke. She is the sweetest baby in the entire world. I have lots of little ones in my life, but I can't even describe the void that Miss Livie has filled in my life. My heart actually aches when I don't get to see her for a whole week. This must have to do with the fact that you get to see a little human being that is part of your own family.

I think all of girls, Ashley, Austin and Alexis can attest that Olivia Brooke has changed our lives more than we could have ever imagined. I don't think Lexi has had a day go by that at least one of her sisters or mom are over visiting. None of us can stay away. Mom is so cute with all the things that she does for her grand-daughter. Did I mention that Mom wants to be called Nana? It is sooooo cute how Mom dresses her up and is so anxious to share about our newest little bundle of joy in the family. I can just say that Olivia does not lack for love in any way. Sometimes we might all even be smothering her a bit.

Alexis is a great mommy and has picked up on the job faster than I could even imagine. Olivia is sooo crazy about her mommy and the same goes for Lexi. The way that those two look at each other is one of the most beautiful moments in the world.

All of us love Olivia, but I never thought that I would hear Ashley say how much she just can't stay away. She is soooo crazy about her that I don't even get much cuddle time when she is around. It is great how all of us have just gathered this baby up with lots of love and attention.

One thing I constantly keep in mind is that Olivia and her Auntie Austin have almost the exact same age difference between them as I do with Austin. It is remarkable to think that 13 years ago my littlest baby sister was this small and tiny. Did I also mention that Livie looks a whole lot like her Auntie Austin? (it must be the hair) Austin is very good with her and I am glad that she is getting so much practice, because by the time I have my kids she will be a well trained baby sitter.

This whole experience has just been so great. I am still as devoted to my other little ones, but I never knew how much different it is to see your own flesh and blood sister experience something so wonderful. I just have to say I LOVE MY SISTERS SOOOO MUCH.

Read my next blog to hear more about my beautiful sisters!!!!