Soldier Boy

My sweet boy is obsessed with all things dress up. His favorite "uniform" is the one that Santa brought him for Christmas. It was incredibly adorable yesterday to watch him wearing this at the car show and whenever anyone would comment he would make sure that they noticed his official Army boots. He is proud of the boots that his She She got him for Christmas. It makes my heart very happy to watch the imagination that this boy has for all things Army, police, and Science. He is going to be a great adult someday!

Just a Few Car Shows

This is the first year in a long time that Kyle and I have only attended one car show. It is also the first year in many that we have not attended the Philomath Car Show. Kyle told me that it would be too difficult to attend this year as he would miss his friend Paul too much. Paul and Kyle loved attending the Philomath Car Show together and Kyle was one of the first people to cheer him on when he thought about placing his fixed up truck in the show. It just would not have been the same without him.

On Sunday we attended the Dallas Car Show and sadly Kyle realized that car shows might start to become a thing of the past. Although he and his dad enjoy going to them, Bronson does not enjoy the same passion and going as a family is not everything that Kyle hoped it would be. Bronson is for the most part well behaved, but I don't think any kid enjoys sitting amongst hundreds of cars for over 8 hours. I am very proud of Kyle and how hard he has worked to get this car ready for shows. This car has been in our family since before we were even married. It is the culmination of 4H money, sold motorcycles, and finally his F150 1979 Ford pickup truck. I am very proud that my hubby has something that he can show to Bronson and explain that this is the way you make an investment of time and money. It all began with cows and now look at the pretty picture.

Congrats to Kyle for winning 2nd place this weekend. He beat out two other C3s and a well deserving 1959 Corvette. We think that the judges of this bracket must really like the newer Corvettes because it seems that they always win 1st place, but we are still happy to display this trophy sponsored by our friend Mitch Ratzlaff.

Walking on Broken Glass

Lately I have been watching a lot of cheap comedy and losing myself in mindless Netflix episodes of Raising Hope. I might even be accused of annoying some of my co-workers with stories from these episodes as these stories are easier to share than all the endless crap that is really going on in my life. I love how on occasion this show will discuss things like I saw this once on a TV show or remember on this episode of "such and such" this happened. Well, I am beginning to realize that I am trying to pretend that I am part of one of these TV show series and that nothing bad is really happening.

My coping skills since turning 13 have remained merely the same; forget about it and it can't bother you. I don't recommend using these skills for any length of time. Eventually it will catch up to you and no matter how much fun you try to have sooner or later you will have to deal with the emotions of the life that you have been ignoring. This became no more real than when I tried my hardest to hide my traumatic pregnancy under the rug until after Bronson's first birthday. Counseling was a successful key ingredient on the road to recovery.

How do you cope with a process that has no middle or end? How do you deal with the fact that quite possibly the rest of your life you will be dealing with the evil and dreaded disease of cancer? When I spoke to my mom last night and we discussed that for all intents and purposes my sister no longer has cancer in her body, but because of medical terminology and definitions she is still considered stage 4/terminal I tried my hardest to wrap my mind around this fog of confusion. I do not know how to recommend that anyone processes or deals with this journey other than leaning on your strongest source. For me I try my hardest to lean on my Savior and find comfort in knowing that many people are praying for me and my family even on those days that it takes all my strength to clasp my hands and close my eyes to send a prayer to Him myself. I will admit that sometimes it is physically exhausting to be open and honest to Jesus when your heart is literally breaking at the thought of your real life.

I am trying to be easy on myself and to laugh at the things that are silly. I laugh that I am a clean freak, but can honestly say that I no longer have a single clean towel or pair of underwear in my house because I HATE doing laundry and do not want any energy devoting to it. I find myself praising God for the little things; giggles from kiddos, pocket dials from Oaklen, or the having a few minutes alone in my kitchen to process fruits and vegetables from Farmer's market. I will continue to pray that eventually the path will feel less like broken glass and more the normal rocky road of life. I believe it will happen.

Phases of Childhood

Kyle and I sat outside last night watching Bronson as he apprehensively approached the neighbor's house to ask their 16 year old daughter to come outside and "play." He is very shy, but is yearning for friends to play with this summer. It is extra hard for him because his playmate is visiting his dad across the country until the beginning of August. It was the first time in a long time that the two of us became speechless in regards to heart tugs as we watched Bronson describe that he was lonely and just wanted a friend to play cops with him. We both looked at each other as the wordless exchange spoke more than we could have adequately expressed. A part of our family is always missing. This topic of conversation has been brought up quite a bit lately as we approach the issue of whether or not to add to our family. It is a very personal decision for us that we do not take lightly. We both believe that the Lord will provide us the right answer and that until that answer is made it remains a private decision for our family.

Bronson is in one of the cutest phases of his life right now. He is so full of imagination and changes his costumes and characters every hour. As I forget how quickly life can change I wanted to jot down a few of his funny scenarios lately:

-His favorite character is pretending to be Mr. Nebbercracker from Monster House. Of all people that a five year old could pretend to be this one is pretty far down the list. He is a very old crotchety man. Bronson's costume includes overalls, cut off shirts, shoes with no socks and the ability to make yard signs that say, "stay off my lawn." As a mom I HATE this outfit. It reminds me of something that one of my dad's old friends use to wear during my childhood and I explained to Bronson that no one understands that what he is wearing is a costume. They think he just likes to dress that way. (I do not mind taking police officers, firemen, cowboys, or spacemen to Safeway) I do mind taking a kid that looks like he just came from redneck country and his clothes don't seem to fit him properly. The final laugh with this costume is when he requested a maniac fringe from the hair stylist recently. I was so thankful that she told him that it was against the law for her to cut a little boy's hair that style.

-Bronson has stated for the past 2 years that he would like be a police officer when he grows up. He never uses the word cop and is very rigid about this topic of conversation. His police car currently contains a ticket book, a Tupperware container used for fingerprinting, a make up brush for dusting for fingerprints, a high visibility vest for traffic stops, several pairs of handcuffs, and flowers in case someone needs them. I LOVE the police officer phase.

-Bronson recently got to experience one of my favorite childhood joys; playing hide in go seek in the dark outside. We had several friends over for 4th of July and after the fireworks were finished he got to play with two of his favorite friends Joshua and Johnathan. They had a blast playing outside.

-Bronson used to LOVE rock and roll. He has recently decided that he LOVES rap music and will not stop requesting it. In my old rap loving days I would have been so happy to share this love for rap music, but I am not really enjoying this phase. He heard his first rap music while listening to one of my Now, that's what I call music CDs. The love started right away as he refers to it as dancing numbers. When Kyle recently asked him why he likes this music so much he told him that he just wants to dance.

-Bronson can still recite several movies, quotes, and songs. His love for TV is a bit much at times, but I have to honestly say that it does help him to process things when he has had a stressful day. He uses TV to unwind. We still don't have cable, but Netflix works well for our family and gives him TV time without the commercials.

-Bronson is one of the most snuggliest little kids you have ever met. I love that he still asks me daily for snuggle time. I love curling up with him on the couch and discussing his day.

All of these phases are going to pass much too quickly, but with each day comes an even better one. I am so lucky to watch Bronson's childhood unfold into a wonderful experience.