Wednesday, July 18, 2012

When God Speaks to Me

The last couple of weeks have been hard on me as a parent. I have found myself exhausted at night and looking to the heavens above for understanding of why my 4 year old all the sudden has decided to be  disrespectful, stubborn, and often times a nearly hateful child towards me. I shake my head as I hear him recite exact phrases and words that I say to him when he is doing something wrong. My heart breaks when I ask him to apologize and I feel that he is only saying sorry because he knows that is what I want to hear, rather than truly feeling repentance for what he has done wrong. Despite his feisty behavior these last couple of weeks my love for him has NEVER changed and NEVER will. This boy is my heart. I feel blessed to be his mom and love that at night despite all of our struggles during the day he wants me to hold him and make him feel safe.

As I was driving to work the other day I felt a huge tug at my heart as I realized how much my relationship with my son is a direct mirrored relationship with my Lord above. How often does he shake his head at me as I continue to put Him on the back burner? Even worse He can tell when I continue to repent for something that I know I will continue to do. He knows my heart. He knows that I love Him. How often do I really show Him the respect He deserves and how much He means to me? I believe that God has given me Bronson to teach me some of the most important life lessons. He has given me trials so that I can feel pain and know that He is still there. This stage of Bronson's sour behavior and disrespect will pass. As it does I hope that it serves as a reminder to me to stay close to God and remember that He deserves my love, respect, and true repentance.