Since becoming a parent I have learned a million and one things. Most of all I have learned that I don't know as much about being a parent as I thought I did. I have also learned that being a parent is the hardest, but most rewarding job that I could have ever been given. I love my little boy with so much intensity that sometimes I feel that my heart couldn't possibly be filled anymore. The other morning after waking extremely early I had a major epiphany. These normally take place in the middle of washing my hair. This was after witnessing one of the most precious moments between my husband and son. I had went into the bedroom to grab my clothes and noticed that Bronson was not only completely on Kyle's pillow, but that he had nestled just between his cheek and shoulder. (Let's not get off track talking about the fact that he still sleeps with us, that is for another post) The love that I witnessed in this moment was so pure. Bronson loves his daddy so much. He never second guesses the love that his daddy has for him. He always delights in his time with him. He knows that no matter his behavior that his daddy will always forgive him and love him despite his actions. He trusts his daddy beyond anything else. He will put this trust to the test by jumping off the highest of furniture knowing that he will be there to catch him. He knows that if he asks for appropriate things that his daddy will provide most of his requests. He delights in spending time with his daddy. In Bronson's world there is nothing better than a kind word or gentle hug from his mommy. Yes, he loves his mommy too, but this moment I was focusing on the relationship between Bronson and Kyle. All of the sudden my heart had such clarity that I almost dropped to my knees in the shower. It was as if God spoke directly to me...Amber, I want you to have that kind of heart for me. This was the most audible moment that I have experienced in a long time. I have listed to the song from Barlow Girls, "Never Alone" over and over again and prayed a million prayers that I could feel a stronger connection with God, but I never had gotten such a clear answer. I need to trust more, love more, and spend more time with my God (my Father). I need to delight in His presence. I need to know that no matter what I do or say, I am forgiven and that He loves me. I love when I get a message from being Bronson's mommy, but I happen to think that this message was exactly what God wanted me to hear.
