NICU Education

Lots has been happening in our busy lives. I am no longer employed. I did not get the job that I was waiting patiently for the answer. I firmly believe that God has bigger and better plans for me and I am waiting for His direction for my future. I am beginning to really enjoy my alone time that I get to spend with Bronson. In the first couple of days I was so stressed that I wasn't taking the time to be thankful for this special time. I was then reminded that everything works out for a reason and this job furlow was allowing me to take time to find Bronson a great place to be during the days and me more time to be comfortable with the idea of him being in a day care situation.

Last week I had the opportunity to work in the nursery for the afternoon. It was one of the most stressful situations that I have been in for a long time. I could not get over the germ factor. My heart was racing so fastly that I thought I might pass out from sweating so much. When I calmly explained this to one mom, she kind of laughed and thought I was being funny about the germs. I got kind of offended and explained that my history with Bronson being a NICU baby had lots to do with my feelings. I realized than that I might never get over being a NICU mom. I get tired of people questioning why we don't go to church. I get tired of when we go to church being questioned why we don't put Bronson in nursery. We have our reasons. I really don't feel that our emotions can be explained in a short answer. I panic at the mere thought of Bronson getting sick. When other parents can brush off a common cold or flu bug I become super intense and pray so very hard that it passes quickly. I guess that I am sometimes waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't spend all day worrying about something happening to Bronson, yet I don't throw caution to the wind and believe that he is invincible. I know that anything is capable of happening and that God's little children are His first and foremost and I am getting the wonderful opportunity to raise Bronson for the Lord.

I guess I am writing this blog to quickly remind those that before making judgement on anyone's parenting style, please ask yourself if you have been in their situation and secondly, would you want them to question your parenting styles? I have attached a recent blog from one of my favorite NICU support blogs. Yes, I still belong to them. Bronson is a healthy boy, but I am still not able to live a single day without thanking God for the miracle of allowing him to be here with Kyle and I.


A blog from one of my favorite blogs, Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop...

One of the things that stuck with both my husband and me after our NICU experience was the feeling that something else was going to happen, or to use the old expression, we kept "waiting for the other shoe to drop" or waiting for something else to develop, something else to show up that was initially missed.


For me getting back to normal was gradual. When my NICU survivor was 2-years-old I started working on an article on "Identifying, Understanding, and Working with Grieving Parents in the NICU" that was published soon after she turned three. Writing about the experience was a way for me to put it into some perspective.

By the time she was in preschool we were able to see that she was meeting her milestones and not suffering from any undiagnosed learning disability.

We had a couple of scares along the way, but with time eventually began to realize that she would not "break like a China doll" and that the other shoe was not going to drop.

Others Feel the Fear and Anxiety as Well

Part of what helped me in getting over the feeling that something else was going to happen was discovering others also felt the same way. Over the years I have discovered that it is common for NICU Parents to continue to feel anxious and fearful that something may happen to the NICU child or to others in their family. It is also common for parents to experience flashbacks to their time in the NICU. Unexpected, sudden losses do that to people. They leave us feeling afraid and even vulnerable.

Former NICU Parent and NICU Parent Researcher Dr. Michael Hynan answers the question often asked of parents "Will I ever get over this [NICU experience]?" in this way:

No, you will not get over this completely. It is normal for you to feel the after shocks of this emotional earthquake.

Many of us high-risk parents have this vulnerability and these flashbacks to the NICU. And we also know that terror usually returns only briefly, and most of the time we can manage it as long as we realize that it is not unusual.

Dr. Hynan and colleagues in their research over the years discovered that these flashbacks and vulnerability are more common that most professionals expect.


Story Behind the Expression

I've often heard the expression "waiting for the other shoe to drop" and wondered where it originated. On the alt.usage.english website I was able to confirm that the phrase means "to await an event causally linked to one that one has already observed". In the form "drop the other shoe", meaning "say the next obvious thing" or "end the suspense."

The best explanation for the origin for the expression was it was based on an old joke.

A guest who checked into an inn one night was warned to be quiet because the guest in the room next to his was a light sleeper. As he undressed for bed, he dropped one shoe, which, sure enough, awakened the other guest. He managed to get the other shoe off in silence, and got into bed. An hour later, he heard a pounding on the wall and a shout:

"When are you going to drop the other shoe?"

Ending Our Suspense as NICU Parents

We were luckier than many NICU parents in that our NICU survivor did not have any major residual or on going problems. Her lungs were fine, her eyesight was good, she was meeting her milestones. I think by the time she was three we stopped worrying all of the time that something else would surface and slowly stopped listening for the other shoe to drop.

The scars from her IV's have begun fading with time, but will always be there, as will our scars from experiencing the NICU as parents. ( I like that the author mentions these scars, I take the time each day when I wash Bronson's little hands to notice his scars on his wrists and ankles and the ones across his stomach, it is a constant reminder that our Lord is so good to us. I have a beautiful son.)

Source:

Hynan M. Helping Parents Cope with a High-Risk Birth: Terror, Grief, Impotence, and Anger. Parent Care Conference.

Under Construction

Please excuse the mess, but I am trying to make my blog look a bit better. It will be back to shape in a couple of days.

Recap of August 2009

My sweet boy on the way home from Redmond
He loves to wear ya-ya's glasses, daddy hates this

I love his smile.

Helping daddy clean the floor

He fell asleep eating his Arby's sandwich

On the Deets Farm

Loving Cousins

I finally have a moment to capture the events of our last month. Bronson is officially 20 months and weighs a whopping 23.2 pounds and measures 31 1/2 inches long. He is beginning to look a little stocky; some might say like a future football player. Bronson continues to amaze us daily. His vocabulary is growing and he is beginning to get quite the attitude. Sometimes this attitude tends to also put his mommy in a fussy mood, but I am working on establishing a routine with him while I have some permanent time off.

I lost my job on the 31st of August and am in the waiting game for official word from my dream job. It will mean that I have to go back to work full-time, but I am beginning to get a bit of cabin fever and slowly realizing that I need to work to keep my sanity. I love my son more than anything and feel guilty about admitting the needed break, but I did go to school to work in the area of Criminal Justice and I really want to use my education.

Some new things about Bronson: He can now say over 25 words, but refuses to talk in front of anyone other than family. He loves the vacuum and broom and wants to use them all of the time. He can climb on the couch all by himself. He loves animals. He is still a total mommy's boy, but jumps immediately into daddy's arms when he hears the door open. He isn't a big eater, but loves macaroni and cheese and any fruit.

Bronson doesn't listen to the word no. He loves to test his mommy's patience. He is extremely intelligent, but has selective hearing when something comes out of mommy's mouth. He is a pure joy, but also a pure patience tester. I am beginning to think that we are entering the 2's early. Oh lovely day!!!

August Highlights: Trip to Enchanted Forest, Fair, Swimming trips to river, Stayed overnight for 3 day weekend with grandma and grandpa, Chipped his front teeth, and went for a visit to Redmond to visit Great Grandparents.

20 Months Today

Today marks the 33rd anniversary of my wonderful in-laws and the 20 month birthday of my dear son. I will post his update when we return from our road trip to Redmond. We are going to visit Kyle's grandma. We want to get as many visits in as possible before the weather changes. Bronson is growing up so quickly and we want our relatives to be able to enjoy this growth as much as we do. Please tune in Sunday for his full update.

Reflections

As I sit in a scene that comes straight out of one of my wonderful christian novels, I reflect. I am surrounded by the beautiful central oregon pines and looking out over Sunriver. I am truly happy. Yes, I currently have lots on my plate, but I am not going to let it ruin my current happiness. I used to wonder if I would ever get to a place of happiness again. I feel that I have finally found that place. My little family brings me such joy and I am so lucky to have a wonderful faith that keeps me strong.



Today marks just a week past a surgery that I really didn't look forward to. God knew that I needed it and some things have been fixed that would have later caused problems if we choose to have more babies. I am unable to go on the fun filled water adventure, but I don't mind. It is nice to be able to have some time to myself to think about some of the big decisions that are coming soon. The biggest decision that I hope to soon find the answer to is whether or not I get my dream job. I am currently in the background portion of a job for Independence. It would be a great fit for me and couldn't have came at a better time. I am wondering how Bronson will do in a daycare setting, but know that socially it will be good for him to spend some time with a few other kids. I have been blessed to be able to spend as much time home as I have. There might be a chance later in life for me to be a stay at home mommy, but for now I must work.



Kyle and I have began making plans for a small remodel to our home. We both have decided that since the market is going all over the map we would start making our home more ours. Our first plan is to start a kitchen mini-makeover. I want to have a small island built and replace the current countertops and sink. I have never been a huge fan of painted sinks and it really doesn't work for our lifestyle. We would also like to put some hardware on the cabinets to make then look a bit better. If I get this job I am hoping for this to a spring project. We have also elected to move our yard project to the spring because of unsure job situations. I officially lose my current job on August 31st.



We still haven't decided whether we would like to have more children. We believe that the decision is a joint one between the two of us and God.

Trips to Wal-mart

Watching a movie with Daddy
Taking a Corvette ride

His treasures from daddy, notice all his dad's dream cars...he says Bronson picked them out.

It seems that Bronson has really enjoyed the time that he is spending with daddy. Kyle has been taking him on many adventures the last few days. The only problem that I see coming is that Kyle buys him a toy everytime they go to Wal-mart. The picture doesn't include the newest ball that he came home with tonight. Kyle's excuse was I just love him so much and want him to have stuff that is fun to play with. The kid has WAY too many toys, but I can't complain about a man that loves his son.

Talking up a storm

Well, I have been out for awhile due to a minor surgery. I am still recovering, but these last couple of days have given me the opportunity to take time to relish in Bronson's development. He is talking so much. All it takes is one time for him to hear a word and then he puts it into his language and makes it his own. Some of the funny words happen to be my broom, vacuum, and help me, Amber, and Kyle. It is so much fun to listen to his chatter. I can't wait until I can add some blogs about his out of the mouth of babes.