The Reason I Walk

I walk for March of Dimes for many reasons. Today I would like to share the deepest reason that I walk. When you lose a child at any stage of life it changes you. You never entirely heal from the loss, but you do learn to live with the pain. Somedays the memories of the loss are stronger than others. Today is one of those days that I felt like sharing. As I was walking to coffee with two friends I realized that one of the friends was not familiar with my story. It is hard to explain to someone that hasn't known you for the past 5 years that your life besides your wonderful 4 year old son is a little more complicated than that. How do you explain to someone that you actually have two children? How do you explain that in heaven there is a little boy waiting for you that might look exactly like his brother on earth? I was looking up my name on google today and happened upon my son's obituary and as it always does it took my breath away. My son was a real baby. He was perfectly formed. He was born on the same day as his brother and will forever be remembered. Please consider joining the good cause of March of Dimes.

New Year's 2011

Ash in her new kitchen

B and I for New Year's Eve

Grandpa George and Bronson

Watching the fireworks

Daddy and B

She She and Bronson (He loves her so much)

Ash and Joe got the keys to their new house the day before Christmas Eve so Kyle, Bronson, and I invited ourselves over to her house for New Year's to help her with the move. It was a very quiet evening highlighted by the beautiful view from her back deck to be able to watch all of the fireworks. I couldn't help but get a little teary eyed when I realized that it was the first New Year's in a long time that I was able to spend with my little sister and Dad. God has provided us so many miracles and trials in 2011 and I pray that 2012 brings so many blessings to my family. My Dad is starting college for the first time and my little sister is beginning her new life in Redmond, Oregon.

2011 in Review

January 2011: She She is pregnant

January 2011: We go to the beach

February 2011: Bronson starts working in the garage

March 2011: Ashley's Baby Shower

April 25, 2011: Oaklen McCrae is born

May 2011: Ashley's 1st Mother's Day at Eola Hills Winery

June 2011: Bronson LOVES Dennis the Menace

July 2011: Bronson gets a new car from Yaya and Papa

July 2011: Nana takes the kids to Gilbert House

July 2011: Philomath Car Show

August 2011: Ashley's Birthday Weekend at the coast

August 2011

August 2011

August 2011

August 2011: Just four days later we would learn that Ash had cancer

August 2011

August 2011

August 2011: Our boys sleeping together

August 2011

August 2011

September 2011: I turned 30

September 2011: We celebrated early so that Ash could go in for surgery the 8th

October 2011: Grandpa George meets his boys

October 2011: BFF gets married

October 2011: Harvest Town

November 2011: Kyle, Jim, and I go to Vegas

November 2011: Thanksgiving at Uncle Kelly's

November 2011: Vegas

December 2011: Merry Christmas

Bronson turns 4

December 28th

Bronson's desire to have our house all decorated for Christmas

Eating his 2nd cupcake

Playing with the girls

Olivia and Parker

Bronson and Mia

December is a very busy month for us. Bronson turned 4 on the 28th and had a HUGE birthday party complete with lots of family, friends, food, and a pinata. The pinata turned out to be a huge melt down as Bronson didn't want anyone to break his motorcycle, but I think that overall it was lots of fun. Bronson was beyond spoiled and enjoyed having several friends over to run around the house and have gun wars. I didn't realize how many toy guns he owned until I realized that he had enough to outfit each and every friend and their dads. I am so thankful that we have so many people in our lives that love Bronson and enjoy spending time with him. He has made so many leaps and bounds to become such a strong and healthy little boy. I took him to the doctor's on the 29th and he is the 47% for weight (weighing just over 35 lbs) and 75% for height. He is such a smart boy and continues to amaze everyone including his doctor by some of the funny things that he has to say. His most recent conversation at the doctor's office was that he kept making himself throw up because Mommy's dog lady friend had gotten dog hair in his mouth and he just couldn't get it out. This cracked us up. I look forward to what this year has to offer Bronson. Four just seems so much older than 3. I can't believe that my little tiny miracle baby is now so big!

8 years of marriage

Standing in front of our 2011 Christmas tree (I look forward to cleaning after Christmas every year)

We have made it 8 years and sometimes it doesn't even feel like a year has passed. This year was definitely one of our most relaxed anniversaries, but I wouldn't have changed a piece of it. Kyle and I woke up early and went to lunch, purchased some more fiesta ware, and then headed home to just hang out before picking up Bronson. We decided to swap out our old BBQ so that we had room for the one that my Mom purchased for us and then headed back down to Blodgett to pick up our little boy. It was his last day of being 3 after all and we wanted to celebrate. We allowed him to pick the restaurant and the three of us headed out to Izzy's to have some pizza. I know that it doesn't sound that romantic, but to me there is nothing better in this world than being with my two favorite guys. After dinner Kyle and I went home with Bronson and they built the BBQ while Bronson used power tools and Styrofoam to create a castle. I stayed inside the house and took down all of the Christmas decorations so that our house would have more room for Bronson's party the next day. In honor of our 8 years of marriage I will list the top 8 things I love about Kyle:

Bronson's last day of being 3

I want to be this many

1. His smile
2. His heart. He is one of the sweetest people I know
3. His love for his son. I have never known anyone in my life that devotes themselves so completely to their children.
4. His integrity. If you know Kyle you know that he always had your back and will always provide you with honest feedback.
5. The fact that he works so hard for Bronson and I so that we have a stable and loving home to raise our family.
6. His sense of humor. Yes, it does sometimes go overboard, but no one (other than Bronson) can make me laugh so hard.
7. His ability to get along with anybody. He might not be the social butterfly that I am, but when he becomes your friend he will be a friend for life.
8. The fact that he is my best friend and that we can talk about anything. I enjoy our late night conversations about life, cars, and even sometimes decorating.

Christmas 2011

I recently told someone that once they have children Christmas will become magical again. I firmly believe that having children makes everything more magical, but this year was one of the most magical holiday seasons of all. Bronson was sooo into pretending to be an elf and enjoying all the Christmas stories that we talked about. He also had some very deep questions to ask me about Christmas being Jesus' birthday and why we receive gifts if it is not our birthday. I think that these questions come because of his birthday's close proximity to Christmas. The cutest thing that he came up with on his own is that Jesus doesn't ask for presents because all He wants is to love us. He then began to sing, "Jesus loves me." I love my little boy and his desire to know all about Jesus and how come God can see us all the time. He definitely has a funny side, but his desire to love God is amazing.

John, Kyle and their boys

Santa and his elves

Santa

Auntie Lex and Oaklen

Two miracles of 2011

Deets Family Christmas Eve 2011

Christmas this year was VERY busy! My sister Ashley's husband bought their first home right before Christmas so we had the anticipation of going over the mountain (to Redmond) after our holiday festivities. We spent the night before Christmas Eve at Kyle's parents and then woke up the morning of Christmas Eve and went to visit the Mortenson's out in Kings Valley. After our quick visit with John and Heather and their boys we went to my sister Alexis's  house and enjoyed wonderful food and gifts with my sisters and mom. It was lots of fun and we enjoyed dressing up baby Oaklen and laughing at his giant belly in his Santa suit.

Nana and her family

Grandpa George and his boys

We then left my sister's house and headed out to Scio to my Aunt Teresa's house to celebrate Christmas with my Dad's side of the family. This was my Dad's first Christmas home and it was so exciting to see how much his two grandsons love their Grandpa George. I am so thankful for all of the prayers for our relationship with Dad. He is doing so great and I know without a doubt that he is going to leave a legacy of his love for God to his family.
 

Elf Boy

We then left Aunt Teresa's house and drove back to Dallas so that Bronson could sleep in his own bed for Christmas. This was the first year that we experienced the excitement of Santa and Bronson had a hard time getting to sleep. He kept "hearing bells" and looking out the window to see if Santa was flying by. Prior to Christmas Eve night he had been wearing his elf ears and hat and dreaming about visiting the North Pole in his hand-made plane with a Corvette engine. Kyle had been reading him a book from when he was little and the story must have made it to his dreams.

Christmas on Bronson's patio

Cleaning guns with the guys

Table before the olive incident

Cutie Pie

Deets Family Christmas Day 2011

Bronson woke up around 7am on Christmas morning and came down the stairs to find that Santa had visited and left him a work bench and leaf blower. He is so sweet and took a quick break to go and get his BBQ that Auntie Lex had gotten him so that he could set up his patio and fix us a Christmas steak. I love the fact that I sleep the last few hours of the morning on the couch so that I can capture these expressions on my video camera. He is so adorable!

We took our time opening gifts with our family and then headed down to Kyle's parents. This year the majority of the gifts were for Bronson because Kyle and I were both spoiled by his parents prior to Christmas when they purchased us a sleep number bed. We had a great time with Kyle's parents and Uncle Chris. Ann made us an amazing dinner that was briefly interrupted by a choking incident and projectile vomiting all in front of the Christmas dinner by Bronson. As we later said it will be a dinner that we will never forget. The guys had lots of fun catching up and cleaning guns. It was a great quiet Christmas! It seems that with children each year of Christmas just gets better. The only thing that would have made this Christmas perfect is if we were able to attend church, but once again our little guy was a little under the weather on Christmas so we had to stay home. I will never forget Christmas 2011 as the year of firsts for many things!