Sensitive Heart

Look at the little hand in this picture placed gently on the back of Oaklen. My mind keeps coming back to this picture after looking at it yesterday during my photo edits The picture itself is a bit blurry, but it speaks volumes to my heart. Meet my heart, my sensitive heart. My heart that literally hurts when I see others struggling in their health, life, or just relationship troubles. I had a thought the other day that I can finally see why some people just choose to pack a small bag and leave reality for a couple of days. My heart is not this way because of depression or sadness, please don't get my sensitive heart confused with a sad one. I am asking God to give me a heart that is more loving, kind, and gentle. He has started answering my prayers and I realize that with this answered prayer a lot of things that I used to just ignore grieve my heart. I have actually had two opportunities in the past week to be more honest with my friends than I have in the past. Ash and I actually talked how we will sometimes silently be praying for others while they are talking to us because when we see their struggles it makes our hearts ache.

Last week I had a realization that a friend was headed down a serious destructive path. I realized that she was no longer the woman that I met nearly 5 years ago. Every time I see her I feel that she is more depressed than before hiding behind a fake smile. In the past I would have just taken the wordly view of "it's none of my business," but then I realized that this "broken" heart is one that Jesus wants to mend. She used to love the Lord so much and I realized that if I continued to say, "it's okay" while she continued to go down this destructive path she would continue to get worse. I finally prayed as she was talking to me and out of love told her that I was VERY concerned about her lifestyle and her heart. I told her that her focus needs to be on God first and then family. That I loved her tremendously, but not even a fraction of the amount that God loves her. I felt that we ended on a good note. I keep praying that perhaps I will hear from her soon and that some life changes are in progress.

Getting back to the little hand placed gently on his cousin's back. Imagine a very LARGE hand placed over our hearts. God can do that for us if we just ask. He is currently massaging my heart muscles into being more obedient to his commandments. Instead of turning a blind eye to others he is asking that I take a leap of faith and share the good news of His son, Jesus Christ. He is asking that I strive to be a better example in my relationships and that I continue to have a sensitive heart against sin and direct disobedience to His word.

Making Plans

I am the planner in our family. Name an occasion or special reason for celebration and I will have the whole event planned months in advance. I will admit that one of my highlights of the new school season is buying a new planner so that I can write all the special dates on my calendar and map out (with color coding) all of the events that I know in advance each year.

When I purchased my beautiful Tiffany's blue calendar for 2012 I wrote all of the special birthdays down, Bronson's anticipated 1st day of school, the beginning of fall term, and most importantly a HUGE highlighted note in the day of September 8th...one year cancer free for Ashley. I looked forward to this day with the most anticipation and sadly as the day approached we already knew that there would be no celebrating that day. We are currently in the planning mode of three week cycles. I told Ashley today that The Lord has been speaking to me often lately and I feel confident that we will soon find ourselves planning in three month cycles, but it really draws me back to reality. I remember thinking that wasn't enough time and now I find myself praying for them.

There is some definite planning that no one ever wants to talk about, but I urge you to have with your loved ones. It shouldn't have to only come up because your loved one has terminal cancer; share your life wishes, share what you would expect others to do if you are called home to heaven, share what you really don't care about, just share. As the care giver or loved one let them share. It is not morbid; they need the freedom to share these things. For all medical purposes they have been told that they might not have the life expectancy that they once hoped to. Don't say, let's not talk about this, it will never happen. Ask them questions even if you are not ready for the answers. I am realizing how much I have to remind myself that they are not my plans, but His.

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

Praying for Ashley

This week has brought so many wonderful answered prayers. We are still holding out hope for even better news tomorrow after Ashley goes to Seattle. We are so thankful for each and every person that has sent us their prayers, love, and well wishes. Ashley's Facebook page has continued to rapidly gain friends and fans. We are so blessed to know that people from all over the world are praying for Ashley. Please continue to keep those prayers coming.

August 2011

This month has been extremely busy. I think that next year we are going to maximize time spent at home during the summer rather than spend so many weekends away from home. I am not complaining about the wonderful opportunities we have had, but literally every single weekend we have been gone.

The beginning of August my mom treated all of us girls and our kiddos to a weekend at the Beach. It was pretty nice despite my baby sister not feeling well the majority of the time. The highlights were time spent playing on the beach while Oaklen took a nap with the ocean in the background and a long day at the pool.

The following weekend we went to Family Camp for Grace Community Church. As always it was a wonderful time and it was nice to catch up with so many people as we have been busy and gone pretty much every weekend this summer. I love the young women that have became such a strong presence in Bronson's life. It is nice to know that I have wonderful people that can help me with Bronson.

Last weekend Kyle and I left Bronson at Ann and Bill's and headed to Sunriver with our friends, Jim and Michelle. It was a very crazy and busy weekend. We participated in several first opportunities including hiking Paulina Lake to try to find natural waterslides, swimming in waterfalls (Jim and Kyle), and a very long river float trip. It was beautiful over there and even though I have more bug bites than I care to count it was a great weekend away.

This weekend is our weekend to celebrate the anniversary of my in-laws. They have been married for 35 years and asked to celebrate by spending the weekend at the beach with us (their family). It will be nice to go away with them for the weekend and have a chance to catch up. It also means that Bronson gets more time at the beach which is his #1 favorite activity.

I have spent this month thinking a lot. It has been a time in my life that I will never forget. Honestly, I don't think that anyone imagines watching their baby sister be diagnosed with cancer. The biggest thing that it has reminded me is that don't take a single day in your life for granted. Hug more, listen more, and of course love more. Also always make sure that you go to bed each night right with not only God, but those loved ones in your life.

Oaklen and Bronson after  a long day at the coast

Olivia and Bronson after playing outside at the beach

The boys that have captured my entire heart

Olivia and Bronson playing at our most sacred spot on the beach

Sisters at Nye Beach

Bronson doing a dance outside the girl's tent (Family Camp)

Bronson with Lily and Alex at NICU Reunion

Bronson with his new style at the Abby's Pizza Car Show

Daddy and Bronson at Car Show

Kyle and I in Sunriver

Jim and I in Sunriver